i can’t help remember the last time
sitting in the hospital, waiting
back and forth and bracing ourselves for the next phase
hearts terrified but nowhere to run
it was real and we had to deal with it the best way that we know how
and it was just us
no one else was really there the way that i wanted them to be
so i got it. that it wasn’t up to anyone.
and now we’re here
and i hope it’s not a repeat of those dark days
bcause i don’t know wht next
there is only uncertainty
i can’t stand my anger sometimes
i can take honesty
i just take honesty better when it’s directly addressed to me
instead of underneath some lines on an instagram post that i only go through because i can feel something’s off, somewhere.
so it turns out the way that my voice sounds when i answered is not right. but i was shocked and reacting under pressure and in a moment’s lapse i wasnt on my best behaviour. so? if it’s horrible then jst tell me.
i can take it. i know now it was wrong & i can try to fix it.
i just didn’t expect it to be on the net.
this actually hurts like i can’t even
smtimes i wonder.
if i feel like the eldest child, then what’s the use of the eldest child?
maybe if i am the eldest child, then she would listen to me (?)
(and i can swat her out like a fly? haha *evil laughs*)
but i’m not the eldest child.
and maybe whtever i say is never gonna work, so whatevs.
tak baik pikir mcm ni, kan.
Allah yg takdirkn kn.
aku kena terima.
tak sabar nk start krja again.
so i can have a break frm my real life “reality show” and focus on thngs tht make my parents happy.
so tht i can dream about taking mak to marina bay sands @ singapore (mak saw it on the telly & it looks fascinating). so we want like a proper tourist trip to the lion city. ngeeeee *squeals*