next next next. what.

Published December 31, 2015 by crystalights

so they gave us a presentation assignment for next week.

but it’s something in an area of discipline that is kinda completely new for me.

i’m not frm public policy.

but we have to present a chapter frm there & then have a section at the end where we include our own field of study that we can connect to public policy.

and i’ve started since the day aftr i got back frm the recent interview session, but it’s so hard. it’s a difficult subject to tackle because not only is it something that is completely foreign to me, it’s actually so broad that i can hardly find an exact direction of where i should go into.

when you talk about policy, there’s so many angles and sub-topics everywhere. I even looked up some of the notes frm Berkeley, but there’s a heavy economics setting by the 1st chapter, and that was just in Public Policy 101.

i’m not sure if it’s a good idea for me to end up in a field of study & work that is completely foreign to my previous academic history.. but i can’t really decide now.

i just hope that if it’s a bad idea for me to do this, then please let me realize it fast & stage my exit plan before i commit any further.

if it’s a good idea for me to do this, then please let me fall in love with it so that i can bear with everything else that comes with it.

i think i have to do this one first, before i make up my mind.

so yesterday i went source-hunting at their central library.

their online sources are pretty much okay.. but let’s face it: their offline sources (books, etc).. are quite ancient (frm what i’ve searched so far). i mean. they don’t even have the post 90s print of Anderson, let alone the latest copy.
their latest copy was like the 2nd edition of 1979.

i don’t know how to feel about that.

but on the other hand, alhamdulillah that i finally got my hands on the hard copy of May & Wildavsky.
(i tried searching online but there is no free preview for the digital copy. i guess nothing is free in the academic world. point taken).

i don’t know how to feel about everything else.

sometimes i think it’s amazing how much effort is put into something so full of uncertainty like this. even if they did offer me a position it’s most likely only a temporary one made available to gauge my performance some more while i wait for the likelihood of studying again for it to be used to most likely qualify for a full-time job under them.

it feels a little like..crazy. in a way.

so many likelihoods & probabilities.

& the reason that i’m not walking away now is partly because i don’t want to be the one who is blamed for not “using a valuable opportunity that is so rarely given”.

whatever.

we’ll see how much i care aftr whatever torture i go through next.

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