All posts for the month February, 2016


Published February 19, 2016 by crystalights

today was..unusual.

cuma ada 2 things i need to address here:

1. even if she’s nice to you don’t you think that it’s not okay that othr pple get treated like dirt in front of your eyes? if she is really your friend wouldn’t you want her to change for the better? how could you be okay with that? and you even had the galls to flaunt the fact that you will never be treated that way unlike pple like us. patutla hari tu masa aku kena marah ko rilek je. aftr that ko siap smbung arah2 aku lg mcm insensitive giler. sbb ko tau ko mmg akn slamat ke. atau sbb ko tk kena ape2 jd ko tk pnah care?

2. what he did was right. in fact i should have documented everything that has happened to me since the beginning of work so that nothing can be used against me. well. there you have it. first you wanted him bcause of his blood & connections, then you wanted him bcause of what he is capable of. then you kept wht he wanted away frm him bcause u wanted to use him to advance ur game, right? bcause i don’t understand why would he be stuck in a position tht he doesn’t even need to be in anyway. it’s ludicrous bcause he hasn’t ever been in wht he could hav done great in & i think evryone knows that.

why would anyone with pure intentions hold him back frm wht he could become?



Published February 3, 2016 by crystalights

sbnrnya isu utama smlm is that there is not enough number of trainers.

tp sbnrnya aku mmg tgh dlm process nk dptkn trainers even bfore ysterday. cuma masih belum ckup bilangànnya. & aku blum dpt confirmation dr org2 lain sbb dorg pn bsy or tak respon. & aku pn bsy dgn krja aku yg lain & krja org lain yg aku kena assist yg due on d same day. jd aku blum habis confirm pun lg bilangan trainers. tiba2 kena masuk meeting yg di expect aku bg berita bhw trainers dh cukup.

hakikatnya tetap sama: tak ckup org, i need time.

pas tu bila aku tk dpt bg confirmation bilngn org yg aku dpt dr dffrnt pple (sbb aku x sempat confirm dia dh pnggil mting, & masa panggil tu tk ckp pun nk talk abt this thing) masa tu mmg all hell broke loose la.
and i am on the receiving end.

so aku rasa, kalo aku buat PhD atau rsearch atau lain2, aku tk kn buat undr thm kot.
tk berbaloi nk contribute buah fikiran aku long-term kt tmpat mcm ni.

don’t know

Published February 2, 2016 by crystalights

i was holding back the tears as i walked out of that room

tapi bila smpai cubicle & duduk last2 xdpt nk tahan.

bcause wht i’m being blamed for is the exact thing that i was in d middle of processing.. sbnrnya aku blum habis lg uruskn, tiba2 sruh aku attend meeting where pple expect me to hav d right answers & tht everything is done & mncukupi.

mmg x la.


baru minggu lepas dpt kenalpasti sape dlm team (tu pun ade lg yg aku xpasti sejauh mana boleh di includekn).

sbnrnya, nk gerakkn 1st planning pun mcm2 interruption.
pas tu undefined group/committee members & roles.
pas tu no authority for decisions, smua kena refer balik kt satu2nya decision-maker. jd byk bnda sangkut2.
pas tu higher positioned members kdg2 xde dlm pjumpaan sbb busy, & yg ada pn mcm x membawa manfaat sgt (instructions brtmbah tp xmenyelesaikn mslh pun. malah menambah beban). ada yg x bagi input lgsung pdhal bjwatn tinggi. wlwpn dia bukn dlm team tp spatutnya dia lbih tahu apa yg diprlukan.

smua bnda ni akhirnya memuncak & mnyebabkn ada kekurngan yg happen.

pas tu last skali org yg kena blame adalah aku.

i don’t know what to say