hari ni first day of ramadhan.
kitorg bgun sahur pastu masa tgh makan tetibe azan. berderau darah aku sbb terkejut, takkanlah pkul 5.05 minit pagi dh azan subuh? ni kt pekan kot. pastu aku ckp kt mak, ni azan pertama kot. mak pulak kata kt sini tkde kira azan pertama ke kedua, kalo nk azan dia terus azan subuh.
dah aku mcm was². pastu aku check lg skali kt phone, kt sini subuh mmg pkul 5.34 pagi, bukan 5.05 minit. kitorg dh tgok jam pun mmg betul, bukan jam yg rosak.
so aku jst fikir tk logic kalo subuh seawal ni kat sni, aku yakin mmg belum subuh. so kitorg jst truskn makan.
aftr that, pkul 5.34 pagi mmg betullah, dia azan subuh (yg sebenar).
means betullah konsep azan pertama azan kedua tu kan?
ramadhan is coming. i hope everyone (myself included) will stay healthy and be able to complete the month positively & productively.
on a different note. i think. whatever happens i am my own person. with my own quirks and personality. if other pple don’t like it doesn’t mean i should change it, when it’s not even hurting anyone. it’s just a matter of preference.
unless wht i do is hurtful for other pple, or against my beliefs & religion, i shouldn’t have to change jst to make other pple feel good.
and i guess that is just life.
am i where i’m meant to be?
i feel like i am settling into something that i would never want for myself.
i can’t do what i want, what i like.
i can’t go where i want to be, and be what i want to be.
it feels like i can’t find peace anywhere.
my life feels like a constant block of walls with no doors but plenty of keys.
i want the comfort of staying but need the relief of going out there and doing something more with my life.
i am disenchanted, disillusioned by all the wrong turns that i end up in.
for me, there is no real refuge from the hurt of disappointment. because every road leads me to the same ending.
i think that it’s easier for me to write it out than to actually live it.
i think i need to be on my own again. so that i don’t hurt myself and others along the way.