art and pics

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to just be.

Published January 23, 2012 by crystalights

when i was younger,

i liked watching jpanese anime.

i think, i still do now.

i like that there is a story behind every character that is drawn, and that the drawings beautifully depicts this.


there was this anime which i really made an effort to follow, frm the beginning untill the end

it was:

“honey and clover”.

 it was this really heartfelt story about a group of people who are very different but has this common ground that somehow puts them together: art and studies.

and in the midst of each of their own personal trials and tribulations, they somehow survived and came to know more about what love and life really is:

it’s not all sweet and pretty and predictable all the time

and a lot of times what the story is saying is something that really hits home.


when the cool-headed nomiya brought yamada who was grieving an unrequited love to view the ferris wheel from the balcony of his apartment 

he knew she was in this deep sadness

and he talked about how

some things look better when they’re seen from a far distance

because once you come near and got on it

it isn’t anything as enticing as that view from afar.


and then i think

she gets what he means

and she can only allow herself to wallow.




i think

some things require effort and sacrifices

and time and especially: the arrangement of fate and destiny


but if it’s not meant to be and you’re somewhere else other than the kind of situation that you thought you wanted to be in


then perhaps you’re just exactly where you’re supposed to be

(even when you find it so hard to believe)


because every path and consequences are written


and you,

you might think that you don’t want to be the onlooker of a beautiful view,

you want to be within that and be there to know what it’s like from the inside looking out instead of the outside looking in

because you want to know what it’s like to be encased in a breathtaking view



but really

could it be that the grass is greener on the other side

when you know it’s been the same earth and the same sunshine

the same kind of feeling you get when you watch the lights glitter in the dark

the same soreness of a yearning heart



wouldn’t we be in the same cycle again

that we would want something that we have yet to have

or that we could never have

that is unreachable no matter how tangible


perhaps happiness means

that you’re just happy regardless of how near or far you are from that breathtaking view

that you can close your eyes and see it there anyway, even when it isn’t there when you open them

and seeing them there doesn’t change the way you feel about where you are

because the fact that you’re somewhere distant enough to see and feel and think

is reason enough for you to just be. happy. or at least remotely content.


i think there is a reason why there is only one snow white even when there are 7 dwarfs;


some people are meant to be rescued

while others are meant to be rescuing.



some people are meant to be looked up to

but it doesn’t mean that they’re not looking after.



some people are meant to be more than what they are to themselves



some people take a longer time for a happy ending

not because they are undeserving

but because our Creator is kind enough to give more time and distance for our selves to learn, to seek, and to be enriched with valuable lessons and experiences


everyone has their own struggles


perhaps there is no one particular thing that exactly defines our lives’ worth.



Published January 22, 2012 by crystalights


“another turning point

a fork stuck in the road


time grabs you by the wrist

directs you where to go


so make the best of this test

and don’t ask why


it’s not a question

but an answer learned in time


it’s something unpredictable

but in the end it’s right

i hope you had the time of your life”



Published December 27, 2011 by crystalights


if there is nothing that links them together

then what could be the purpose of them being there

other than a mark of how far is far enough

or how deep is too deep.


but really,

does it even fulfil that simple purpose?



want to be better,

but i’m not.

i feel like i didn’t,

and that everything was and is from my own weaknesses


when i get hurt i feel like it’s amplified

when i get worked up i feel like it’s war


it’s just that things aren’t always that smooth

i guess we live in a twisted world

i think what happens around us doesn’t always

excuse what we’ve done or become


i think


even if it’s easier to run away,

it’s not the perfect solution at the end of the day.


Published December 12, 2011 by crystalights


because mom and mak long is coming over soon,

i changed rooms with my housemate.

so now we have room for 3 people.


i don’t know why but i feel like something’s amiss.



i’m craving for this

like. really.

i remember eating that once during the fasting month, i think.

and although someone was responding as if it’s really a pity that i’m eating instant noodles for breaking my fast, i really don’t think she gets it.

it’s not torture,

it’s like a (guilty) treat.

it’s yummy, and quick, and might be a bit unhealthy, but it’s good (in a delicious way).


so i think,

even when i might think someone is suffering,

it could be that they’re really happy and doing fine.


and i think,

even when i might think that someone is really happy and doing fine,

it could be that they are secretly suffering.


i can’t know everything,

but perhaps the least that can be done is at least,



in a voluntary sort of way but not completely smothering/suffocating.


(now i think i’m trying to get over my “grieving” so erm. whatever~)


Published December 7, 2011 by crystalights

watching the sun set from the highest floor of the highest skydeck in the Southern Hemisphere 

is nothing short of amazing.

it’s the 88th floor of the Eureka Skydeck (Tower)


eventually the sun sets.

and only then did the city lights become more visible.

the transition was beautifully slow

little by little

the redness splashed in rainbow streaks across the horizon.

little by little

i find myself bearing the things that i thought was almost unbearable;

little by little

i realized that it doesn’t matter what i feel

i got up there anyway

i saw the sun go down and disappear beneath the line

it does not wait

for anyone to be with it

it just sets

the way that it is meant to set (in).


staring at the sun from the highest floor

everything seems so much clearer.

looking at the airplanes gently cruising the sky

and the sun slowly sinking so smoothly

i know that the world moves (on) as time passes (by)

it does not stop unless predestined.



you and i are not who we used to be

the sun and the earth is not how it used to be

the view from the top is not how it used to be


we are among those used to how it used to be


you only notice the citylights when the sun disappeared.

but of course,

the citylights can never be the sun.

a thousand generic flicker can never outworth the value of one star.


they may be similar but always, always not the same

always trying to fill in the inadequacy

always, but not enough.


i think

no matter how beautiful the view is it will never be perfect without the sun in it.


the sun doesn’t have to wait for me,

let me wait for the sun.


i can’t be the way you want me to be just like i can’t sleep with my eyes open

we see things when they’re open

when they’re closed we take more breather

when they’re closed we sleep off the entire world

because beautiful things doesn’t stop your eyes from closing


when the time comes


open or closed, aren’t they still your eyes?





i am.

Published December 6, 2011 by crystalights


my childhood was not your childhood.

i didn’t grow up like you and become you.


this is how i’ve always known things to be.




so i guess even when i hop into my whimsical side once in a while,

somehow perhaps i’ve always known that reality is where i come back to.


it’s my residence.


it’s part of what i am.


(hands down)

spjg spring ni..

Published December 6, 2011 by crystalights

..kitorg telah pun ber “mukhayyam”

..ber “jaulah”

and i guess in a way,




hari ni kitorg pergi ke “hanging rock”.

ader org pesan sruh pkai warne biru.

rupenye sbb:

sebiru hari ini

“..walau kita kan terpisah”.


i feel happy and sad all in one day (and night).


kdg2, we try to do things so that we don’t cause trouble to other people but sometimes things just happened

i don’t blame anyone but myself

but of course

it doesn’t make it hurt any lesser



once in a while,

it’s nice to be understood.


i think

i’ve lost the things that i would have said in times like these.


because words can only do so much when the heart speaks its own tune.


i think,

it’s okay to feel like this now


at least i didn’t mean to cause more damage than repairs.


i didn’t mean to do a lot of things

but when they happen, i wish to bear it on my own.


it’s okay

i’ll take this.


at least,

for one little tear, there has been many more laughter.

for one little hurt, there has been many more joy.


it wasn’t a painless journey

it wasn’t easy

but i think

it is the kind of pain that i have to live with


going and leaving

attachments and detachments


i never really knew my own place, did i?


as i looked at the sky

i saw the clouds separate so rapidly

almost seemed like a season’s movement in a few stolen glances.

like it was meant to disintegrate as natural as it integrates

it changes its form

and then, whatever it becomes seems like what it always should have been.


this way,

no one can say that it’s not meant to be.

not a soul can truly say how it should have been.

the clouds move with the winds

no matter how long it will eventually move away


no matter how much everything is worth

no matter how huge your efforts are


you just can’t shape things the way you wield clay into pottery


you can’t “takluk kan hati” sesiapa pun



pemilik hati kita yg sbenar adalah Allah.


Allahu rabbi.


sesungguhnya, hanya Allah yg tahu ape yg aku rase s’hingga ke saat ini.