All posts in the beginnings category

so i moved

Published April 12, 2012 by crystalights my new place. yesterday.


insyaAllah work starts on monday.


despite everything that has happened within the last 3 days,

i think it’s okay.


i don’t know what to feel. but.

i just

want to be thankful




maybe this is a new beginning

for me


this is the real world, honey.

welcome to the quarter life, self-survival phase.

move along.

Published April 3, 2012 by crystalights







currently i am kinda in the process of packing

some stuff. for my 1st job-related move.

insyaAllah nnti aku akn berpindah ke tmpat yg baru

msuk ke alam yg baru (utk aku): alam pkerjaan.

ni m’mang b’sepah skit, sbb ada byk brg nk sort out (dan aku pun tak selera nak angkt semua skali. ke sana. so pilih2 la apa yg dikehendaki, hihihi).


truth be told, of course i’m feeling a bit conflicted.

aku balik dari melbourne december yg lepas. then, tolak mase urusan2 pncarian pkerjaan, urusan2 kluarge (besar), dan hal2 lain (yg kebanyakannya di daerah/negeri yg lain), aku rase mcm tak lame sgt jugak la aku stay kat rmh ni. with my fmily.

i mean honestly, moving to that place- damansara, scares me. perhaps a bit more than how melbourne was.

because the whole thing- it’s different.

it’s different now

and i don’t know if i am a different person now too,

but i know than only Alllah can help me gain the strength to do my best in this.

la haula wa la quwwata illa billaah.

“tiada daya upaya melainkan dengan pertolongan Allah”.


apa pun, tetap alhamdulillah.

sekurang2nya ada jawapan utk do’a ku.


let me take this path as a hijrah for me to strive kerana-Nya, Amiin~


P/S: kemas2 dan selongkar2 akhirnya dpt jumpa jgk jam tgn ni

they sent it to me by post last year for my brthday.

(i remember i once left it at preston mosque [melbourne] last december and i took d tram & walked all tht way to get it back; alhamdulillah i finally did get it). insyaAllah pasni bleh pkai gi keje ^__^

P.P/S: ya Allah please give us courage and strength to do good lillahi Ta’ala, amiin~

the interview (right?)

Published February 27, 2012 by crystalights

so this morning was the interview.

this morning was also the day that my melbourne friends start classes again (i think. good day gals!).

hmm. how ironic that we’re all starting/doing something as a form of “beginning” (or something like that).


my parents, no matter how i look at it i think, their decisions are also important.

because they’re my parents.

no matter how difficult their views cannot entirely be put aside.

at some point i know i have to consider them in my life’s equation.

i guess i don’t have much to say about other people’s parents because all parents are not the same.

we’re not in the same shoes.



so smlm dh prepare2. siap2 print.

bangun pagi mandi and then berbaju kurung songket biru yg confirm2 pinjam (tak sure sape pemilik asal yg baik hati dermakn baju kurung tu kt fmily mak ^__^)

baju raye maaa?


pas tu a little bit more reading aftrwards and then

breakfast mkn choc cake (^__~) 

pas 2 pkai stokin & sarung kasut singgah kdai utk siapkn salinan surat branak & some stuff.

 by the time aku smpai, molek je duduk tggu giliran.

i tried talking to the other cndidate tapi dier mcm tak (nak) berckp. bile aku tanyer dier jst gerak2 badan, mcm tak (nak) kluarkan suare, huhu. so i just kept quiet and read my printed papers.


it turns out i’m d last candidate (sgt lame m’nunggu).

by the time aku msuk, it was more than an hour later.

and uhmm, they seem very welcoming but reluctant to employ me because..

..they think i will be “snatched away” anytime in the near future.

means that they were very concerned about me leaving this work because some other place will be calling me for work (according to them).

they keep implying that i will get up and leave and then they’ll face difficulties in getting someone else to teach.

we didn’t even go through the things that i prepared and printed, it was mostly just them talking about me and my plans. which was very nice and light-hearted and all, but i wasn’t sure what it meant for me in terms of this job.



i don’t know.

i don’t know how much of that (whatever they claim) is true.


but i do know that

even if i am employed,

it’s not really because of me and what i did,

it’s because Allah has determined the path that was written for me.


if i get or don’t get what i want,

it’s not BECAUSE OF ME.


if i get a job,

or get recognition

or get fame and/or fortune

or simply get whatever that a person could possibly want,


it’s because of the mercy that Allah has bestowed upon me and to all of mankind.


it’s not all MY EFFORTS and MY PASSION or whatever.

of course efforts and passion is as important, but the final determinant is Allah.


sbb tu i think, dari sisi manusia, kebergantungan terhadap Allah itu sgt besar ertinya.

kdg2 mgkin bile aku berusaha aku terlupe bahawa Dia lah yg menentukan segala natijah urusan2ku.


aku rase, klau tak berjalan sprti yg diingini, aku tak perlu beri pnjelasan pn pd pihak lain yg tak terlibat, slagi perkara tu tak affect mana2 pihak lain.

sbbnya, knape aku nk jelaskan sesuatu yg rasenye aku sekadar mampu berusaha dan bertawakal utknya, sdgkn yg menentukannya bukan aku.

dh memang kesudahannya bukan aku yg tntukan.



i don’t know what’ll happen next.

but i do try.

and i hope i don’t forget to at least bertawakal kpd-Nya.


aper2 yg Dia tntukan, itulah yg terbaik utkku.


mudah2an, jgnlah aku termasuk di klgn org2 yg berburuk sangka kpd Tuhanku, Amiin~

life. and happenings.

Published January 13, 2012 by crystalights


i went to the program in banting last weekend.

kisahnyer pjg.

i kinda got a little lost on my way there,

and i guess i kinda freaked out a little.


sbb klau sesat kt melbourne i think i can still trace the transportation network back to where i want to be.

tapi ni kt area2 klang/hulu selangor kot. aku m’mang tak brape tahu sgt transportation network kt situ.

pulak tu aku gerak sendiri, so sorg2 kt situ.

i mean, look at me. dh brape lame aku tak balik pun.


so takpe2.

nk pergi punyer psl, at last setelah 3 bas dan 1 kereta pick up aku, last2 aku smpai jugak.

and the program was great.

it was a nice wake-up call tapi at the same time it’s fun.

game dier cam seronok/klakar.

pas 2 mase hri pnutup kluar rakaman kitorg main belon air pas 2 muke aku cam cuak2 campak belon air ke org blakang skali jatuh bergolek belon tu pas 2 org blakang 2 kne pas ke dpn balik and start over. and then i heard the pple laughing;

hihi, betape pathetic nye aku, cmpak belon pun tk brape nk lepas.



group kitorg mnang 1st price utk prsembahan.

skrip sketsa kitorg ader lg dlm beg aku.

most of the idea ws frm my friend, kitorg discuss2 then came up with a few scenes.


cerite psl a group of turtles who finally went home.


mule2 kitorg ingatkn grp lain yg mnang, sbb cerite dorg best.

ape taknyer, mcm tgok drama kt tv, ader storyline/plot yg interesting, pas 2 pelakon2 yg betol2 berkesan ala2 natural talent gitu.

so that was a pleasant surprise, hihi.


pas balik dari banting i went to bangi and some places to visit some people.

dpt la jumpe a few friends, kwn sejak skolah, kwn yg b’lainan skolah, and also kwn2 uni yg jd hsemate dgn aku since kitorg mude remaje lg.

ader org lg yg aku nk jumpe, tpi timing tak brape kene sgt sbb i feel like i need to be somewhere else so mcm tk sempat.
insyaAllah, klau boleh aku nk jumpe jgk nnti.


aku rase, in the end aku realize yg as time passes, the way your life change might mean that sometimes the lives that people lead are different.


but it doesn’t mean that you’re isolated from each other.


it jst means that maybe there are new things that you don’t really know much about happening to you or the people around you.


wlaupun aku rse aku tk dpt nk comprehend semue benda sbb aku tak tahu a lot, tapi aku rse aku realize yg sume org ader cabaran masing2 yg each person has to face.


takde pun yg terus happy forever tanpa aper2 struggle atau cabaran langsung.


sume org teruskan hidup dgn cara yg tersendiri, mcmane they cope with whatever that they have to deal with.


so of course no, i don’t think we can say whose life is the nicest or easiest,

sbb hakikatnyer hidup m’mang dtg dgn dugaan2 yg tersendiri.


hidup m’mang menuntut usaha.


so i guess it’s okay that people have things to strive for.


i was (a lot more) selfish back then, and my strong-headedness might’ve pushed people to some sort of edge,

but now i think i understand

that the acceptance of changes in life could mean that you’re finding peace with it.

i don’t want to be a bitter person for the rest of my life

or regret whatever i didn’t have in the past all the way into the future


takpela, we just take what we have and we work for what we look forward to.


alhamdulillah utk satu hari lg menerima kurniaan-Nya.


Published December 30, 2011 by crystalights


ini betik. 

dari pokok.

yang mak tanam.


sblm aku fly, pkok tu tk berbuah2 pn, siap ader yg ckp pkok tu pkok betik jantan = tkde harapan berbuah.


balik2 aku tgok buah berderet2 kt atas pokok tu.

tk sgke dpt mkn betik yg mak tanam smbil duduk2 kt ruang tamu rumah ni watching my family watch tv.

watching my little brothers eat kuetiaw with fried chicken. (yg aku awal2 dh mkn dlu).

and me eating the tiramisu cake tht my oldr sistr bought. all frm the pasar mlm. (yup, pasar mlm kt kmpung cam ni pn ader tiramisu cake).

i feel bad sbb tk blikn dier aper2, hri 2 tk smpat singgah bli bag yg aku dh plan nk bli utk dier tuh.


(nsib baik ader bwk balik bnda lain yg lbih).





mcm ni pun satu nikmat yg besar utk aku

after being away for so long.


(sbnrnye aku ader rse cam nrvous psl somethng else but. biarkn je la. aku berserah pd Dia).


between people.

Published December 29, 2011 by crystalights


nostalgia (?)


what do you call this feeling?

bile tibe2 kiter kembali ke mana kiter pnah tinggalkn stlh skian lama berkelana.


after all that time suddenly

i find myself on my bed in our shared bedroom

texting my friends and rplying mssages


as if i’ve always been here and the past few months (up to a year) nver really happened (before).


i don’t intend to erase anything

before and after, are both parts of my life now.

but i didn’t think that i would still have

some of the things that i left behind.


the room bsically still looks the same


and although earlier tday i think i didn’t know where mom put some of her pots n pans,

and her asam jawa (in the kitchen),


finally when i start doing and thinking (abt) things in this home


i feel like: hey,

at least i get to be here now.


the days before i left were probably the loneliest,

i guess it’s the kind of feeling when you’re surrounded but alone.


reflecting on the last few views of the city,

how bittersweet.


i don’t know where life would take me sooner or later,


amidst the job-hunting, and license arranging,

and accounts setting,


at least

i’m here now.




it is a blessing that all is not completely lost.


my past and my future,

is all up to god’s mercy and will,



i thought it’s normal for people to leave


since some of them stayed aftr all

i guess i have to know

that this has got to be worth something


life will pass us by

no soul can stop time


seasons replace one another

that’s what they do,

they don’t stay.


but i guess when they leave, they do come back.

that is if you’re still there to see it.


as for me,

i want to embrace. time.


i want to be thankful.


i want to be at peace with time.