All posts tagged all-you-can-digest

think about it (before your heart leaps)

Published October 27, 2010 by crystalights


kata-kata baik dan nasihat (?)




byk je org dlm dunia ni yg penuh hemah menutur kata-kata baik dan nasihat,

why her?


byk je org dlm dunia ni yg mengajak pada kebaikan,

so why her?


why is she the one.


is it because of her reasons?


sbb simpati dier pada org lain, so dier menasihati.

hbis tu, 

klau org yg inginkan yg baik utk semua so dier menasihati,

itu tak sebaik org yg menasihati kerana simpati ke?

menginginkan hanya yg baik utk semua insan tu tak sebaik berasa simpati sesama insan ke?

whatever the reasons, the actions are the same


whatever the actions, the people are not the same.


right now i’m guessing

you could be in love with this person

not because of how she is inside



whatever good things that you see in her

we can see the same kind of good things in a lot of other people

(but they’re not her, right? they don’t make you feel like this).

i think that

if you only see her

then you’ll only see her good-ness.


because seriously,

i think that she is a person consistently showering people with her good side just as expected of someone who is constantly showered with the good things that life has to offer.

in other words: because you’re always dipped in all the goodness that life has to offer (to you), you shine clearly with all the goodness that found you.

it is hard to be hateful and bitter and spiteful when all you’ve ever had are good, great things at the palm of your hands.

i think that there are other good people in this world who deserved better.

i think that people who have been through immense hardships, harshness, trouble, trials, and tribulations and still choose to do good and be good are as beautiful inside as people who’s raised with the good things in life and then does good and be good.

because it takes a lot for such people to not succumb to their conditions and emotions

so they are beautiful on the inside because they are that good.

because they are nothing short of amazing


so what about them?


i know it’s easier to see the good in one person if that person is the only one that you see.


if it wasn’t for her perfect life and her perfect features and her perfect clichés would you have deemed her a perfectly good person?


would you have seen what you didn’t see?


(i thought so).



of people and dissapointments

Published October 25, 2010 by crystalights


aku rase sbb tu kot aku ni mcm ni.

sbb aku dah biase hadapi keadaan dimana org yg aku harapkan tak boleh aku harapkan.

last2 aku jugak yg selesaikan masalah.

mintak tolong pd org hanye memenatkan badan aku je.



aku rase aku memang tak boleh depend on anyone other than me.

aku nak percaye pun susah.

sbb byk masalah.

byk kesakitan.

byk keharu-biruan.

byk kegelapan.

i think in life the only constant that is omnipresent and forever present is god.


and with that i rest my case.


(yes my heart hurts. my back hurts. everything seems to hurt more when you’re pushed to your limits).


seolah2 dier tak kisah pun psl keselamatan (aku).

yg dier sibuk nak ambik kisah is how much money i can save and earn.

nak suruh aku go gang up with some strangers in another land who wouldn’t mind pitching together cash to save on accomodations. how NICE.

i mean, how nice is that, putting aside the possibilities of finding good, civilized people with no ulterior motives and no criminal record amongst all those whom i don’t really know.



why not you just feed me to the sharks and take all my money?


at least then i don’t have to think about how on earth i put up with your demands.


of roles and duties. and life and living.

Published September 21, 2010 by crystalights


my father has a certain way of doing things that he expects people to follow.

most of the time, i just go along with it.

but sometimes,

some very rare times,

i can’t.



i can’t really deliver what is expected of me.


he believes in back up plans

in raking in more than you need (even when you only need one and will only choose one in the end)

he likes more than one option

more than one solution

more than just average grades

more than just a couple of distinctions


perhaps to him, more is more is the absolute must.


if i can’t deliver his expectations at one point

then somehow i’ll end up somewhere where i have to somehow do it

there is no long-term escape

just options and more pathways for me to fulfill what he seeks


sometimes i just do whatever is requested of me

even when it makes me look or feel crazy

as long as it’s physically / intellectually feasible

i just do it.

i just live with it.


but sometimes i believe in different things

like losing money but gaining time.

if i get time. then why does money matter?

if i get knowledge / information, should money matter?


like what happened today.

i want to just get my pics from any random photostudio shop, i don’t really care.

it’s just a photo for my application form. (tomorrow’s the deadline).

but he wants to take the time to print it at home,

choose the right settings, the right size,

cutting it down in his own manner

and then using his own adhesive for sticking it on

and his own method of ensuring its quality.

everything is his own

perfection right down to the details.


(and now i’m not so sure if i won’t miss the deadline in the next 24 hours).



imagine these ideals of his applied to everything else.


i was sent to several different schools throughout my entire primary and secondary years,

and some of the schools are not even a district apart.

just because he thinks one is better than the other

(but well, most of the time..i hate to say that he’s right).

i was very unwilling at that point.. only to be sent somewhere else and then at the end of it was him proving to me of how precise his decision was.


i was in highschool back then

when he was in the car with my mum and the kids, waiting for the whole of my 1 hour chemistry class to finish every wednesday of the week (because it takes a half hour to get there and another half hour to get back. so he just sends me and waits there until i finish for about an hour later).

and then he sends me for my 3 hour biology class every friday and some other day of the week

and my add maths classes

and physics classes.

they’re all extra classes per week. he chose the teachers. and the schools they come from.


hand picked.




so this is how i live.

it’s not easy, but at least it’s a way of living.


it wasn’t that wonderful for me.

but somehow he works things out.


and i grew up thinking that every man out there has to at least have the capabilities of this man

who isn’t all that amazing but a capable, able man afterall.


i needed someone whom i can respect. in one way or another.

someone who wasn’t easily defeated.


we don’t necessarily have to like each other

but we have to live our roles

and fulfill our responsibilities

to live for the purpose of which we are created

to be what we must be

what we should be.


sometimes you can’t have everything

there is always something that you have to lose in order for something else to be gained

but if it is your duty is there any excuse for you to just let go?

i guess i believe in that too much.


i believe that if everyone lives up to their roles and duties and responsibilities than this world would have been a better place

because no one would be squished aside for the sake of another person’s self importance.



Published August 29, 2010 by crystalights


in the history of malaysian cable tv service providers, “astro” isn’t the kind which i can really think of in fond memory.

in fact, the only reason that it crossed my mind when speaking of cable tv service is because it is the only one still present today in malaysia.

and that’s it.

it doesn’t really have an impressive customer care (you have to pay for your customer care calls, even when it’s not your fault that you can’t watch tv, and sometimes the calls aren’t that short).

sometimes when you leave the decoder on stand by for very long periods of time and go somewhere for weeks without using it when you come back it becomes dysfunctional.

sometimes when the weather’s bad you can’t watch anything.

and then there’s the list of programmes, half of which probably consists of repeated shows or second-grade ones, as well as (almost) ancient season’s tv programmes.

sometimes channel surfing gets you nowhere, because except for a few channels, the rest really have nothing much that can interest or enrich you and your mind.

i only remember how they keep on “upgrading the system” by changing smart cards because they are so very concerned of people making profits or free-loading on THEIR tv service.

and then there’s “astro Beyond”. in HD.

supposedly in conjunction with the world cup and it continues from then on but seriously why would i want to see the strand of grasses on a football field?

maybe some people do (in that tv advert), but i don’t. i don’t even think it’s worth it to pay the extra bucks for that extra HIGH DEFINITION that shows the texture of someone’s face or someone’s trickling beads of sweat.

it’s too much money for something so trivial and insignificant.

an extra package in Beyond is supposedly the malaysian version of a TiVo.

except that you can’t exactly program your wishlist search, but you can store recordings of your tv shows.

yes, TiVo was introduced in the U.S more than a decade ago, but here we are in malaysia with a cable tv service only recently going all out for something like this. (with the extra extra bucks as the charge).

you have to pay extra for the service that isn’t even that recent in the tech-world.

it’s like paying extra for a DR2000 spectrometer when the science community has already used the atomic absorption spectrometer since decades and decades ago.


so that is why, when i wake up with loud noises and loud voices this morning/afternoon i really hate the fact that it was because someone is expressing their discontent towards the cable tv service so passionately as if the service providers could really speed up their service delivery based on a couple of very vocal phonecalls.

no, they can’t.

of course they can’t.

they are incapable of providing the kind of service that supposedly comes with the kind of money that they rake in.

i know that from experience.


that is why i’m against the Beyond subscriptions (in this home). because i see them as such a huge burden. there is no point at all. the money that you’re paying doesn’t guarantee you top quality service.

you were the one who wants Beyond for both TVs, so please no screaming.

i need to be able to sleep because this cable tv service would never change even if i don’t sleep.

they don’t care much about such things (because they know they’re the only one providing cable TV service in this country).


perhaps everything here is about raking in as much money as you can (before people start to realize that they’ve been robbed in broad daylight).


so when will people wake up?

whatever i want

Published August 2, 2010 by crystalights


okay so maybe i don’t really know what people normally talk about on the phone

i could be socially retarded afterall

i don’t know, okay.

but still you don’t have to rub it in my face

i can’t help it if i don’t stop myself just in time before i make a fool out of myself

i can’t help it if i become a bit tactless and blunt when my mind’s elsewhere


so whatever

i hate explaining myself all the time – that’s not my style

i hate clarifying things to other people to show that i’m not guilty – because i don’t like feeling as if my life’s on trial.

i think i can do whatever i want, whenever i want to

and if people feel that they don’t “connect” very well with me than i guess that’s fine

it’s not like i can be bothered by it

it’s not like i should give a damn about it


when i talk it’s A to Z

if you just wanna listen to the U without starting at A, then i won’t talk at all

and you don’t have to listen at all.

you wanna listen, start from the beginning

if you don’t then i won’t.

i don’t have to mould my story to fit into your needs

i’m not uncaring, i’m undeterred.

i’m comfortable in my own skin

i don’t need a second opinion, a sugar coater

i take care of myself

and whatever happens it’s important that i know that i take responsibilities for whatever i do on my own


i’m not angry or hurt i’m just annoyed

i wasn’t really telling evryone about some things because it’s a hassle-

leceh. menyusahkan. malas.

malas nak cakap.

pandai2 sendiri la nak handle

i’m not a little girl


language matters

Published July 26, 2010 by crystalights


“like” means:




there is always more than 1 meaning to 1 word.

the trick is always finding the right one to use.


if it is: “46 people like this (song)”,

then shouldn’t it be: “46 orang suka (lagu) ini”?


why is it: “46 orang seperti ini”?


there is even a thumbs-up sign at the side, which means “like” as in “love/fond of/fancy”.


that is why

i don’t understand why

why the little things in simple forms of language that people can already understand is translated again into another language but with very little understanding?


although it is a language that some people are comfortable with throughout their lives it does not mean that everything has to be turned into that one language.


if you can already understand it in english then why would you want to read it in bahasa malaysia?

if i can read Adibah Amin’s “Di-ruang Mu aku di sini” in bahasa malaysia then why would i want to read “Exile” in english?


it’s the same thing.

the same book.

“Exile” is the english version of “Di-ruang Mu aku di sini”.



If I could I would have read “The Alchemist” in its original language (spanish), but i don’t know spanish so i couldn’t.

i can only read and understand the english version of the book.


the point is that whatever original language it is in as long as you can read and understand it then why not try and read it and truly appreciate it in its original form?

simple things like “log in” and “log out” is it necessary for it to be converted to your language version of “daftar masuk” and “daftar keluar”?


if people only use the language that they’re comfortable in all the time then when will we ever learn?

kalau kita hanye gunekan bahase yg kita rase selesa setiap mase sampai bile baru kita blajar?


why not let yourself become accustomed to a different language through simple applications like logging in to your favourite website, or checking your e-mails, or listen to foreign music once in a while.

why not?

the least you can do is try.

start with something small.

no one is too old to learn.

i believe it’s the attitude, not just the results.


walau apa pun, bukan ke berusaha itu lebih baik dari tak mencuba langsung?



Published July 21, 2010 by crystalights


i didn’t wanna complain that she bought the wrong kind of instant noodles.

but i want her to know that it is not the kind that i asked for.

and then mom was fussing at me for complaining at what my sis bought for me.

why does it feel like i’m the bitchy diva when everyone’s trying to unconsciously pacify me and my demands?

i feel like a difficult child once again.



it’s not like i’ll throw them away or something.

i don’t just throw food away.