All posts tagged cake

shopping. and people. and me.

Published November 25, 2010 by crystalights


these past few days made me realize that a lot of things on sale doesn’t really satisfy me.

i don’t go shopping all the time

but yesterday i was looking for the right pair of black leather heels,

and unfortunately even brand names doesn’t quite have the right kind

(that i would like).

i was trying to get that shoe-hunting mood to kick in even though i don’t really like wearing high heels

(because no matter how well-made they are they always seemed to hurt me in some way or another).

shoe shopping is always time consuming

when there’s so many that you don’t like.

at the end of it i just bought a pair that looks like something that i would probably wear if i am a 16 year old kid studying in a private school.

with some multiple colours of ankle length tights.

[i don’t understand why people don’t understand the term tights. tights generally are supposed to be from the waist to the toes. or any specified (shorter) length of your legs to the toes. if it doesn’t cover your foot and toes then it’s usually known as leggings. or unfooted tights (which may have a connecting stretch of material going underneath your foot). it’s not that hard. so i don’t understand why when i asked for ankle-length tights i get thin lycra leggings, tight pants or unfooted athletic tights].

just wiki it and you’ll (hopefully) get what i mean.

one more thing about leggings,

kalau perempuan bertudung dikatakan tak manis memakai leggings

maka tidaklah juga manis jika yg ber leggings itu perempuan yg tidak bertudung.

perempuan tetap perempuan.

leggings tetap leggings.

kalau tak manis utk seorang perempuan maka tak manis lah utk semua perempuan selagi mereka itu perempuan.

kalau rase salah dan tak suke, then jgn buat.

perlu ke tubuhkan kumpulan setiap kali ader sesuatu yg tak disukai ?

selesai ke masalah setiap kali ada sesuatu yg tak disukai, kumpulan2 anti-“something” or anti-“someone” pun muncul.

apa ertinya menjadi sebahagian dari kumpulan2 ini?

adakah dpt sampai message2 yg sepatutnya berniat murni or berunsurkan kebaikan?

ataupun kita sebenarnya meningkatkan permusuhan dan prasangka?

kalau niat kita baik kan elok kalau cara kita menyampaikan pun baik.

that is just something

that crossed my mind.


what i like is

rebuilding and refixing what is broken

i don’t mind spending a long time just sitting and sticking them back together

piece by piece.

(it was broken when we took it out of the box).

and now it’s an unbroken house again.


and i

put up with things if i feel like they’re rare

these patterns look rare to me.

sulam nyer tak berterabur

motif nyer kemas

bunga nyer berkelopak timbul

warnenye tak keras.

walaupun ader la sikit kain nyer yg tercalar

(tapi dah tinggal satu)

so i put up with it because i feel like it’s a bit rare.


i also don’t like things that are not very well done.

(who would like that ?)

the cream patterns look like they’re falling apart from each other. like they are un-unified.

too many gaps between each overlapping strokes.

too smudgy.



i pay attention to details.

of all the cakes there are, of course i notice which one’s uncared for.

which one’s rushed.

which one had probably came from a pair of unsteady newbie’s hands.

so if the person is meticulous, they usually come off as very capable to me.

i like that sort of commitment coming from people.


hari ni ingat just nak jalan shopping brg sendiri sikit2

tapi singgah supermarket jugak beli brg2 mak nak utk esok.

we were later on at the cashier wanting to pay

and realizing that the total of those groceries (plus a few items more) was over our budget.

that was a major mood-spoiler.


the problem with me is that

i have this horrible temper that even i don’t like.

i kinda knew that

if i ever meet someone out there who has this exact same thing

i wouldn’t like him/her very much.

i get angry because my estimation of the groceries doesn’t match the actual cost.

i get angry because the shoe that i like that i thought was affordable was actually almost 160 bucks

and i refuse to pay 160 bucks for a pair of (un-brand-named) shoes because (even if they’re brand-named) i’m not Carrie Bradshaw (who pays like 600 bucks for her pair of “Manolo Blahnik”s) although i kinda really liked that shoe. at first sight. and i initially thought of buying it.

it’s this temper-principle-pride thing going on in me

that pisses (even) me off.

like not wanting to give something to someone who did something i don’t like and at the same time not even wanting that thing for myself

that i would rather throw it away than give it to someone who wants it just because that someone is someone i don’t like.

it’s like me being so damn difficult and harsh and bitter.

about almost everything.


i don’t really like that me too.


(and now i sound like a schizo)



what i have been waiting and thinking about has finally arrived in my inbox today

and i realize that

there really isn’t anything much that i can do with it.

for now,

i don’t have the means to do what should be done.

i’m not born with a silver spoon in my mouth and a silver platter on my table.

i struggle with these things too as i grow up

in a five-siblings-with-only-one-working-parents family


in malaysia

you can get great food,

exceptional education, and

high quality medical services

if you have the cash.

as long as you can pay for it,

nothing should really be in the way of you getting your every wish and command.

being rich guarantees you at least that much.

for the rich (and the famous) life shouldn’t be much of a problem in this country.


for the rest of us “less-privileged” people,

we have to fight for a place in an institution

fight for a chance to study

fight for the use of a few facilities and utilities

fight for a chance to have someone support us and our cause

fight for an adequately paying job

and then suffer through taxes and price hikes and whatnot.

life is rough and brittle when you’re worn and penniless.

they say

“money isn’t everything”,

“money can’t buy love”,

but money speaks enough. for people.

and what does love got to do with any of it?

i guess

love can’t save people from hunger and pain,

love is never enough

never forever.


hell no, love can’t even save people from themselves.


so i don’t know what makes the world go round,

but one thing i am certain is that

it is not love.



triple birthdates’ birthday

Published November 19, 2010 by crystalights



i was never really a fan of huge parties.

i’m used to spending my birthday doing something totally unbirthday-related, like travelling on the road or simply being busy getting some things done.

but because this is my little brothers and my mom’s birthday all wrapped in one occassion, they have their circle of people which they tend to bring along.

and so inevitably,

people arrived.


we actually went birthday shopping.

the table was set.

and the cake was cut.

three birthdates of november in one day.


i practically ruined our shopping trip (because i didn’t realize that there is a shopping plan that i should be a part of)

it was my mistake

i am disgusted with myself.

even if i’m distracted, even if i don’t like big parties, i should have been more aware to other people’s wishes and needs.

thank god i didn’t ruin the whole birthday occasion.

but i kinda missed the candle-blowing and singing part.


i hate that i have to leave tomorrow

just to attend sunday’s prep and rehearsal.

i hate that i have to attend sunday’s prep and rehearsal

just to be there on saturday’s convocation.

i hate that i have to attend saturday’s convocation

just to show that i have graduated.


i hate show and tell, and big parties, and my face on someone’s facebook.

i like privacy, and small intimate gatherings with people who are closest to me, and no one’s face on anybody’s facebook.

(but it’s facebook. people put their faces there).

tapi aku baru dpt tahu kita org perempuan tak boleh display muka on the internet. explanation dier ada pada org yg lebih tahu (aku baru tahu, i’m not sure how to explain it), but it’s like when you put gambar muka di web you are directly/indirectly allowing people to do anything with it

termasukla renung lame2, or ber*something*2 dgn gambar kita, or melakukan ape2 pun yg mengundang gelora p’rasaan dan perbuatan yg agak censored. bila letak gambar whole muka+diri kita di web, kita tak dpt kawal siape yg lihat, bhgn ape yg dilihat dan berape lame yg dilihat. kalau 1 org ader access pada gambar kita, mungkin org lain yg ader berdekatan/bersama dgn org tu pun dpt lihat. then bile yg lihat itu punyai gejolak rasa yg ter extreme secara tak langsung kita jugak menjadi pihak yg bersalah kerana menjadi punca gejolak rasa itu.

aku tahu aku bukan org yg pandai nak menyampaikannya dlm keadaan yg terbaik supaye semua org faham dan aku pun admit that aku memang guilty of doing the same thing in the past in my other web page tapi sekarang bile dah tahu aku rase mcm aku perlu beritahu dan kongsikan di sini, supaye org lain pulak dpt tahu.

this is not something yg aku beritahu mengikut suka akal sendiri, this is something that is passed on to me from someone yg lebih arif (setelah membuat rujukan tentang hal2 yg sebegini), to someone i know, and then to me.

i think the rest is up to you.

aku dah tuliskan di sini, sekurang2nya aku sudah pun menyampaikannya.



happy birthday to my little brothers and my mom ^__^


wedding tales

Published October 10, 2010 by crystalights


oh wow.

i thought that at least all tv3 personalities have very good command of both bahasa malaysia AND english language.

tapi tak sangke i get to listen to that kind of street-like garble known as english in that kind of ceremony.

soalan pun tak kemas.

and then he was answering her messy question while looking at her face but she was reading her cue card.

mcm ni punye cara pun boleh work in this line eh.

i am seriously baffled.

i mean seriously, how are people supposed to take you and your job seriously?

do you even understand that the person that you’re interviewing is not just some random guy?

i don’t like generalizing but i don’t think i can look at people like you the same way again.




but the wedding reception was huge. (and extravagant).

really. they even got the arabian royalty to come.

and as well as our own royalty.

but the cake-cutting ceremony dress was surprising.

i don’t really know why bernard chandran would create something like that for a malay traditional wedding.

but then it is bernard chandran afterall.

it was silver with textured glitters all over.

the cut looks big. the fit looks loose.

and the singer was kinda off-key during the couple walk.

it was the chorus of marc anthony’s “my baby you”.

and the cake. is taller than the groom.

maybe it’s the astronaut/aeronautical space thingy that i don’t quite understand, but the dress was hinting on some sort of futuristic space element (?) and the cake was shaped like that space rocket traveller (?) that he was on. yeah, i think that was probably it.


so far we only have one guy who got to travel to space.

maybe that’s why he’s like some sort of a celebrity now.

even his wedding has those little aeronautical space vibe.


no offense but sometimes i think my country is desperate for a hero.

to adore.


that could be it.


until the time comes that it is proven otherwise, i think that is how i see it.

because their adoration are truly unsubtle

(and unsettling).


(thank god he’s finally married).


(i can already imagine the commotion surrounding their first born child though).


saenghil chukka hamnida

Published June 4, 2010 by crystalights


happy birthday


may all your inspirations be eloquently expressed in your future masterpieces

and may you always write, create and express with all your heart


happy 24th birthday

micky park yoochun

>>June 2010<<

baby sky

all the dreams and hopes made of your eyes



travelog. travelogue.

Published May 25, 2010 by crystalights


a few days ago, i was here

i went there for some stuff at the site’s convention centre 

(the closest shot to the event’s halls)

but i wandered around 

and found something else

“with all my heart,

find me and i’ll be there for you”

captioned at the bottom.

so, of course.

my fangirlish heart started screaming inside~

one of my favourite bookstores

organized a theme of one of my favourite vocal groups

on glass display quoting one of my favourite lines

from one of my favourite songs.

so i hurried inside

and discovered that they’re actually doing a special feature promoting the group for the month of may

and there’s a whole shelf of books and magazines that the boys had appeared on before

including group releases and solos (even JJ’s an-an was there).

the cutest part is probably the manga about them and their legal battle

although i don’t understand the japanese writings, the drawings efficiently tells the story (drawn pictures of 3 out of 5 members and a statement on paper with signatures = legal battle).

owh, and there’s even a drawing of that tattoo on the chest (haha).

and yes.

everything’s in japanese.

(they’re all in the japanese section. of kinokuniya).


and then my lil’ sister came and lectured me about being a mindless bimbo fangirl

so i kinda pointed her a magazine showing another group that she sorta like

so she took her time to see (while i wandered around the bookstore).


and when we got out we sat in a sportswear shop.

and she asked me about the near future (which i honestly don’t quite know)

i like to make myself believe

the planet earth runs slowly

it’s hard to say

that i’d rather stay awake when i’m asleep

’cause nothing is ever as it seems

that song was playing on in the store

and so i sang along.


we went and stopped at the cupcakes booth

and they look so amazing (with sexy names)

(this is “dark secret”).

there’s “the morning after”, something “affair” and some other sexy names for a cupcake.


we bought “vanilla dream” and another sexy cupcake (i forgot the name).


and they taste amazing too, pretty frostings and all~

the cute little cupcakes come in white boxes and paperbags

so we walked some more and found something else

but that would be

another story to be told another time~ (haha)

(sorry but it’s almost dawn, i only have a few hours left).


you know

when you travel all the way

there’s always one thing or another that you’ll eventually find~


so with that, i’ll pen-off for now.

»(KLCC, 2010)«


beach. birthday. black handbag.

Published February 18, 2010 by crystalights


on monday we went to the beach.

and on our way back we picked up some stuff for a belated birthday and holiday celebration [it was my litle sistr’s 20th brthday].

so, evryone kinda pitched in after the beach trip.

 and so we had a late take-away meal. at home.

it was choc-chip walnut ^_^ 

[with italicized writings]:

happy holidays and happy birthday to kakak bina

in green cream letterings.

it’s a pity they didn’t directly pipe the cream onto the top of the cake [they piped it onto thin layers of baking paper and placed it on top of the cake].

and then i asked them, can we eat the paper?

and they were like NO!~

we spent two days just to finish the cake.

i was like cutting cakes that night. and the next morning. AND afternoon.

and then my litle sistr a.k.a the birthday girl was like;


birthday girl : too much cake. aren’t you feeling sick?

me : no. i feel happy eating cake.

birthday girl : hah uhuh ahah… *nothing to say*


and then when she was eating her piece she was like;


birthday girl : don’t you wanna beg me for this?

me : no. i’ve had mine. why would i take another-

birthday girl : since when are you so sensible? *sarcastic smirk*

me : *attempts to show sensibility*



it was fun~

hadn’t felt that tired for a while now.

but it was a fun kind of tired.

not the kind of tired like the one i usually had to go through.

i wished i could bake my own cake one day.

for someone.


oh. and remember that favour i had to do for my dad the other day?

well. we went out and kinda settled the whole thing today.

although he was looking at me strangely when i stepped out with a black handbag and a black metallic handwatch.

i don’t really wear handbags, handwatch or heels most of the time in my 22+ years of life, okay. [they are soo troublesome]. and lecehh.

and he was saying something about it!

him : eh. siap dgn beg tangan pulak.

me : *attempts to answer without blushing*

and then i explained the purpose of the bag.

argh~ malu tau tak!

nape laa suke tegur bile org b’gaye lain skit. buat biase je sudah la.

org prmpuan bukannye mintak dikomen psal sume bnda yg dorg pkai.


nsib baik tak kritikal.

before the cake was cut : a wedding perspective.

Published December 9, 2009 by crystalights


remember when i talked about the wedding invitation i received by mail?

the dark blue one with matte gold writings on white paper.

i actually arrived at the wedding last week.

it was

quite an event.

but unfortunately, i didn’t stay for long.

i left before the cake-cutting ceremony, right after the 10th gown [aftr the bride’s wardrobe change].

it’s not that i didn’t wanna see it, it’s jst that i’m not sure if i can handle seeing it.

you see, it’s hard to describe it but i was afraid that i’m ruining the wedding or the wedding’s ruining me.

don’t get me wrong, the wedding was pretty amazing.

the setting was amazing

the food was amazing

the mood is amazing

and the wedding ring was AMAZING. [diamonds are a girl’s best friend].

this is a big day, for every one of us.

she’s my close friend.

i was there when she got engaged, i carried one of the trays with the engagemnt gift items.

back then we were only 19-20 yr olds.

and 2 yrs later now that i finally arrived at her home seeing her in her gown and veil and tiara and flowers in her hands, it felt unbelievably surreal.

this highschool friend of mine who sat next to me in the same class whn we were just young and fifteen. and she was the school prefect and i was the never-ending tardy student [who always ran out of stationeries and borrowed hers like ALWAYS]. we celebrated our birthdays in the school cmpound with the rest of the group and had our extra classes on weekends in that same school.

so when i arrived at her wedding reception, it felt like i’m stepping into a scene of my imagination. they were in the middle of their photo session and i was just there, tryng to grasp the reality of her wedding.

of this girl who is already someone’s wife.

she looks so happy and content and because of that, i’m happy for her too.

my friend has finally moved on and found her true calling.


wht does that make me?

note to self : don’t go to weddings alone [especially if it’s your close friend’s wedding].

i was lucky that my self-cntrol held back my urge to cry.

because this wedding makes me feel a little nostalgic, a little sentimental.

i should have brought someone with me.

well i guess i was overwhelmed at how evrythng around me seems to change in the blink of an eye while my life seems to still be at a standstill.

and then i realized that maybe it’s because my entire life i’ve been fighting to make sure that nothing’s changed. that i could make things stay permanent.

isn’t it strange how such a happy occasion could stir up strange feelings frm within me?

maybe there is somethng wrong with me.

i feel like i’m still swimming thru the waves but the shore seems to be farther and farther away.

and i still have yet to reach my destination.

to my friend :

congratulations on your wedding. may you always be blessed with love and happiness.

and sorry that i missed the cake-cutting ceremony.

if i wasn’t so pressed for time i would gladly spend the night.

but because there are so many things that are unsettled, i had to leave [well, THAT and a bunch of other emotionally unstable matters.. but that is another story to be told perhaps in another time].

so there.

your wedding was amazing

but because i was not

i had to go before my tears ruin your big day.

i’m sorry but thank you for letting me be a part of this grand occasion ♣