All posts tagged character


Published June 14, 2012 by crystalights

i guess i’m jst tired.

and i can’t forget what you said.


just bcause you think he’s not a ‘practicing’ personnel and has no industrial experience,

it doesn’t mean his capabilities or qualifications are irrelevant.


i felt like it was almost an insult to me too.

because i am someone who came with qualifications but i don’t have years of experience too.

are you going to deny a person’s capabilities on such grounds?

does the effort pple put in to complete their studies mean nothing to you?


at least that is his major. it is one that is not the same as yours.

what is your point in telling me all that?

are you trying to say that he is not worthy of questions or consultations in the very field that he is majoring in?

are you saying that he is not worthy of a second opinion in terms of OSH?

even if he hasn’t practiced in the field (yet), it doesn’t make him any less suitable to talk about occupational safety with.

that is his course. he studied it. graduated from it. and is employed to start an entire program of it.

who are we to question his capacity on the mere basis of his suposedly ‘non-existent’ experience?


what about you?

or me?

can we say the same thing? about us?

should i be completely honest of what i think you’re capable of regardless of your “yet-to-be-completed” studies?


aku rase takde org lain pn yg judge kau mcm tu because they know you’re getting there (soon).

aku pn treat kau as someone yg dh complete pun qualification nyer, bcause i believe that you are capable, that the difference is just a soon-to-be-completed paper.


mcm dier, wlwpun dier blajar part-time tapi dier still blajar. dan dh complete pun pengajian dier. dh graduate. dan diambil bkerja by the same group of pple who employ you.

if you’re questioning his capabilities are you questioning his employment and simultaneously your own (employment)?


do you think of yourself the same way?

do you know what i think of you?


if you wanna talk about a ‘practicing’ EH personnel, than couldn’t we say the same thing about you?

you have experience, yes, but they’re not all concentrated in this field.

like how your experience is more on public health research than being a ‘practicing’ EH or OSH personnel.

tapi takdela aku nak rub it in your face sbb aku tahu, utk semua org ader laa bhgn2 tertentu yg dier lebih tahu atau lebih mahir.

ada benda yg you know more than me, then ader yg sebaliknya.

itu perkara biase. tak perlu dirumit2kan.


aku just rase mcm kene tampar kot.

because i wanted a second opinion. from him (not you). because the thing that i have to do is the kind of program that he graduated from.

i want to understand.

tapi sriously, today i don’t get you.


maybe the earlier part of today you were just giving suggestions

(wlwpun aku mcm agak panas hati sbb you keep telling me what i already know or what i don’t have to hear sbb aku rase kau tak faham situation aku perfectly.

you keep telling me things like: kenape tak buat mcm ni, kenape tak kluarkn je mcm tu, mcm la salah aku that things didn’t work out at that time.

mcm la aku tak fikir dan tak pernah cube selesaikan dgn cara yg similar dgn ape yg ko ckp tu. mcm la aku a complete imbecile who doesn’t know how to do her job properly.

dh la ko ckp ko ingatkan aku dh siap keje aku sdgkn ko tahu aku dh buat ape yg mampu dibuat before cuti and even bile aku balik dari cuti pun masih ada lg yg baru submit paper, mcmane keje aku nak siap? takkan aku nak key-in kosong kot?

aku tahu la ko dh siap keje kau, tapi tgokla content kiter kan tak same. ko dpt finish lessons earlier, aku tak dpt. so aku just terime je la ape yg jadi, i can’t move the entire universe just for them).

but anyway, i guess i just brushed that aside kot sbb maybe you were just trying to help. in your own way.


tapi bile aku ckp psl the changes and the discussion that i intend to do, ko tibe2 feed me with your views on his lack of practice and experience and whatnot.

habis ko nk aku buat ape?

discuss with you?

and get what? an opinion of whatever you think is ‘important’? (like the rest of my morning?)


if i was the old me, i wouldn’t have let you get away with all that. sriously. sometimes i just think things like: “this isn’t even worth my time”.


how do you even let yourself say the things that you say when you know that everybody’s situation isn’t the same and evryone’s opinion might differ.


how do you even dare to question me of my knowledge of what his qualification is equivalent to?


i may not know everything, but not everything we know or have interest in is completely quintessential to evaluate a person’s standing in the field.


not evrything that you know is the ultimate important thing.


don’t have to be too full of yourself, just because you think it’s important doesn’t mean it’s important.


just because you think it’s right doesn’t mean it’s right.


just deal with the fact that you might not be right. that reality might’ve somehow escaped you and you end up trapped in your own point of views.

but sriously,

why can’t you see that sometimes other pple are not more wrong than you are less right?

what’s the point of a conversation if you only want to let pple know of how right you are?

is that a conversation. or a dictatorship?



you. all of you.

Published December 25, 2011 by crystalights

i didn’t do what i did because i’m proud of it,

i know that the credit is not mine.

i did it because i want to let some people know. where i am. what i’ve done.

that’s all.

i don’t think it’s something to be proud about, all good things are from The One True Creator.

they’re not from me, not because of me.


i didn’t know anything other than what god has allowed me to know,

i didn’t learn anything other than what god has allowed me to learn.

i got through it because of god’s mercy upon me.



i just thought i’d let you know.

not really for the purpose of proving my self-worth or anything like that,

but rather,

just to let you know.

that i am somewhere. where you can know and see.

and that you can reach out to me.

that i am there.

that i can share some little part of me, if it means i get to see you share yours with me.


those pictures are not there to prove what i’ve been up to with my life

it’s a way of bridging out my life to others like you


because i wanted to believe that there’s still hope

that different life phases shouldn’t mean the end of communication


it’s a reason to link the unlinked because we share the earth like the stars share the same sky.


so yes,

i’m telling a part of my story through those pictures

that i got to a different place and then i finished what i think i have to do there

and now,

now i’m here


i’m in the same land as you are

i didn’t really think i’ve stayed away for a very long time


but i’m here now

i hope that it’s not the end of what could possibly be a continuation of how much we know each other


i don’t hate you

i don’t think i have anyone i hate

i just don’t know how to react

i don’t know what would be the best


i don’t know a lot of things

but i think i want to try

so that i don’t inflict hurt or receive hurt

even though sometimes, it’s not that easy.


a lot of things isn’t even truly real

i’m also just a person inside

i can’t read people’s hearts that well, and i can’t make my heart that well-read

i’m just trying to figure out the better way to live and let live


i grew up through different circumstances and became this

i don’t intend to blame anyone

i just hoped tht i could be better

so that i don’t become the heavy burden on someone’s shoulder or the large boulder on someone’s path


hoping that when you think of me, you won’t remember the difficulties that i might’ve put you through,

but rather,

the good things i’ve shared with you.


you don’t have to understand


just. believe. that hurting anyone around me is the last thing on my mind.


trust me. i never intend to hurt anyone’s heart because it’s the only thing inside us that makes things feel a little more tangible and real and perhaps more hopeful.


what i want most of the time is just: the benefit of the doubt

no matter whichever way i go




Published December 12, 2011 by crystalights


because mom and mak long is coming over soon,

i changed rooms with my housemate.

so now we have room for 3 people.


i don’t know why but i feel like something’s amiss.



i’m craving for this

like. really.

i remember eating that once during the fasting month, i think.

and although someone was responding as if it’s really a pity that i’m eating instant noodles for breaking my fast, i really don’t think she gets it.

it’s not torture,

it’s like a (guilty) treat.

it’s yummy, and quick, and might be a bit unhealthy, but it’s good (in a delicious way).


so i think,

even when i might think someone is suffering,

it could be that they’re really happy and doing fine.


and i think,

even when i might think that someone is really happy and doing fine,

it could be that they are secretly suffering.


i can’t know everything,

but perhaps the least that can be done is at least,



in a voluntary sort of way but not completely smothering/suffocating.


(now i think i’m trying to get over my “grieving” so erm. whatever~)

i am.

Published December 6, 2011 by crystalights


my childhood was not your childhood.

i didn’t grow up like you and become you.


this is how i’ve always known things to be.




so i guess even when i hop into my whimsical side once in a while,

somehow perhaps i’ve always known that reality is where i come back to.


it’s my residence.


it’s part of what i am.


(hands down)

pretty little thing

Published November 21, 2011 by crystalights

i had a great time with those kids ysterday

makes me feel like children are always bearable (at some point, after you get used to them)


do you know that kind of feeling

when you see them get hurt and they cry

and you carry them and put their head on your shoulder

you let them cry there on your arms and they did

they followed your lead

and so you say it will stop hurting soon

and then you lay them down and put them to sleep

i saw her pretty little left cheek turn red because of that little mishap

and i felt bad that i was there when it happened but i wasn’t fast enough to stop it


and so she let me fix her hair

shift her pillows

and pat her as she closes her pretty little eyes

and i find myself thinking

isn’t this a great blessing from god

that this child was brought into the world

and grew into this beautiful, strong-headed young girl 

and i get to see her eyes twitch as she falls asleep




it wasn’t easy when people are born into the world

anything could have happened from the moment you’re conceived to the moment you breathe


finally you are born

do you realize how big a gift it is to be able to see, feel and breathe like this?

and to be able to see other people see, feel, and breathe (just like you).


sometimes even when i breathe

i forget that i’m breathing


and when i’m sleeping

i might not realize that i’m not awake


we may not always remember the good things that we have been blessed with


so ysterday’s time with those children

was amazing and very heart-opening



for the opportunity

and this feeling