faith

All posts tagged faith

derailed.

Published April 13, 2012 by crystalights

a lot of things might have happened differently than how we planned it to be

 

as for me

i want a lot of things

a lot of which i think wasn’t entirely for me,

but still,

i planned and wanted them that way anyway.

 

but then, it didn’t exactly happen that way

like a train off its tracks,

some things went wayy off their plans.

 

but even then,

even now,

the thing is that, it isn’t your plans that sets the track

the one that sets it is the one that created you

the Almighty.

 

and so,

because it wasn’t your plans that sets the track, when things happen differently than your plans, it doesn’t mean that you’re derailed of your whole life course.

it could just mean that this is your track.

of course you have free will, and of course you have your choices and paths to choose, but you also have and will always have the conditions and circumstances that puts you there by fate & destiny that Allah has willed for you. you also have and will always have everything (else) fated for you, despite all or any of the choices you make. 

in fact, your choices and their outcomes has always been known by your Lord.

 

because the one who created you knows the choices that you will make and the outcomes of each path you choose or not choose,

Allah’s knowledge encompasses and surpasses all.

 

things might not be all bright all the time but

i want to have faith.

i know that this could be a test that i will have to endure

because a lot of times in the past, i didn’t really pass. those things that i’m supposed to endure and overcome.

so.

 

let’s do this.

 

insyaAllah, tuhan takkan menzalimi kita semua.

 

sekarang aku just fikir,

dlm keberadaan aku di sini

apa yg terbaik yg aku boleh lakukan?

supaya ada tempat utk aku mencari rahmat-Nya,

what is the best that i can do?

don’t.

Published February 23, 2012 by crystalights

i don’t wanna write down what i wished would/have happen(ed)

don’t wanna put into words all of those that wasn’t put to reality.

 

“..regrets and mistakes,

they’re memories made;

who would have known how bittersweet this would taste..”

 

i guess today didn’t go so well.

in fact i think, a lot of things wasn’t going so well lately;

but no, i don’t wanna write them down.

i would rather count my blessings than count my misfortunes.

 

i guess this is my rough patch

and no one can save me except Allah.

 

astaghfirullahalazim.

 

jgnlah aku termasuk org2 yg berputus asa dari rahmat-Mu,

dan jgnlah perasaanku mengatasi perananku,

Amiin~

^_______^

Published February 19, 2012 by crystalights

so i went there ysterday.

it was a program utk belia. wlaupun aku belia yg nk msuk kategori “belia industri” sbb dh tamat pngajian skolah/uni & simultaneously attempting to enter alam pkerjaan; tpi by dfinition locally & intrnationally i’m still a belia. nxt yr cud be a diffrnt story bcause these stndrds might be revised to accomodate d new age range (and insyaAllah nxt yr i’ll b above 25).

anyway,

it was very nicely organized and quite enjoyable, sbb pndekatan ala2 forum oleh org yg biase berdiskusi tak t’lalu m’nekan audience yg belia2 tuh. lg ader mcm sketsa pantomime sblh ptg (very klakar i tell u, i guess UIA stdnts really knoe their stuff), and earlier in the morning there ws tht very simple and interesting presentation abt wht a belia is. (i knew d speakr frm bfore, he came to melbourne during d fasting mnth to be our imam fr d tarawikh prayers & gave tazkirah as well).

[there were some small parts yg aku rase mcm kurang sesuai (tapi aku rse aku faham sbb klau tak salah, org2 yg mengepala-i bhgn2 itu bukan sbhgn dari staff/mahasiswa/pertubuhan NGO yg t’libat so i guess that it is understandable that they may not see the more “suitable” method of approach when dealing with adolescents or young adults), but i think there ws no harm done, jst a matter of how a youth would take it, tht’s all].

^___^

i guess Pembina did a great job orgnizing it, overall it was nice.

 

antara isi2 yg aku dpt grab + my “re-mix” frm d past:

1. belia in the past. were such amazing pple. tkde mase nk emo2 psl teenage adolescence or ptus cinta or whatever yg b’kaitan sbb they were among the best of men, either d companions (sahabat2 Rasulullah s.a.w) atau bersama Rasulullah s.a.w sndiri, b’juang utk agamanya.

Mushab bin Umair berusia 18 tahun ktika m’bawa tugas dakwah ke seluruh kota Madinah. Umair bin Abi Waqqas berumur 16 tahun ktika syahid dlm perang. and then u hav pple like Muhammad Al-Fatih who fulfilled the Prophet (s.a.w)’s hadith of the best leader of the best army, yg m’nawan sbuah kota yg tk dpt dtawan oleh org Islam s’lama ratusan tahun (i think u might already know which kota ths is).

2. belia —> berani + berilmu + matang + tahu bawak diri. ada ilmu tentang apa yg diikut/diperjuangkan.

3. belia yg tahu akarnya, agama dan bangsanya = positively kenal & sayang jatidiri = cenderung ke arah usaha memperbaiki umat & bangsanya = bye bye western infiltration we don’t need sveral diffrnt re-represntation of nicki minaj. (no offense ^__~).

 

hmm.

tht is some of the points i “absorbed” and “re-mixed”, hihi.

alhamdulillah for d opportunity. it ws awesome.

 

hmm.

let’s not ruin ths entry with my incessant unnecessary babble, so

i’ll jst end it by sharing this nice card we received on the prgram day:

mule2 baca ada rasa tersentuh. sbb mse mula2 nk berangkat prgi tu aku ada rase takut dan berat.

but i think now i know, that it’s worth it.

for every struggle there is somethng there for us insyaAllah,

let’s hope for the best ^___^

work in progress.

Published February 15, 2012 by crystalights

esok mak nak bwat knduri.

ni bukan knduri sambut menantu ok, ni jst mkn2 ksyukuran sbb khatam. sbnrnye org yg khatamnyer tu dh lame dh, tpi sbb sibuk ngn mcm2 bnda, ngn hal aku grduation lg, ayah pulak dgn event kt tmpt kje dier lg, dgn mcm2 hal2 lain, baru mnggu ni la nk bwat mkn2 ni.

it’s a nice idea, kan? lgpn Ustaz Azhar ckp, sunat smbut kegembiraan dgn memberi (org) makan.

aku tk nk la mak masak beriye sgt, mak pun dh 50 smthng kn & these thngs can be quite energy-cnsuming. tpi ye la name pun knduri kan.

let’s jst let her do it the way that she wants to do it. lgpn dier mcm happy je nk jmput2 org ke tmpt yg nk dbwat mkn2 tu. siap ter “call” kwn dier pkai hp aku lg tuh, huhuhu.

aku tk pndai sgt msak lauk2 tradisional nih, so klau bwat kje2 preparation bfore+aftr skit2 tu boleh la kot. mcm siap2kan skit ape yg mak mintak.

tapi aku rase, maybe mak ingat aku nak ringkaskan sume bnda kot, haha. psl menu acar nenas dgn pajeri nenas pun tukar2 dlm dscussion ktorg, pas 2 psl cara nk bgkus mknan pun ktorg tak same idea, hahahah. dtg si ayah pulak terus tukar menu lauk daging tu, pas 2 selambe je trus gi kirim dgn kwn dier, sruh beli rempah smpai 2kilo. pas tu bile aku ckp tadi dier kater: “masak ni lagi sedap.” *sambil serahkn rempah 2kilo tu kt dapur dgn confident nye*. funny huh?

sbnrnye aku jst nk make thngs easier for her je, sbb klau sume sgt meticulous & precise aku tk nak la org tension2. kan best masak santai2 je. mak pun tak la stress sgt.

 

hmm. anyway.

maybe mlm ni lauk siap, insyaAllah.

insyaAllah pagi esok msk nasi nyer. dgn m’mbngkus.

mudah2an sume lancar, Amiin.

 

i was thinking about a lot of things tht i want/need to attend tpi aku tak tahu mcmane sbb jdual aku agak difficult skit kot. lgpn ader bnda yg klau aku tangguh dier mgkn akan m’lewatkn prkara lain lg, which might affect other pple and myself as well.

 

aku takut klau aku tak buat dgn sebaik2nya. walau org faham atau tak faham, smtimes kita sndiri yg knal diri kita. dan usaha2 ke arah tjuan pnciptaan kita tu pun barangkali satu nikmat yg tuhan beri yg mgkin kita kurang sedari. mgkin k’lemahan aku yg buat aku tak memenuhi semuanya.

 

ntahla.

mudah2an tuhan bagi ilham dan jln keluar t’baik utk kita semua, Amiin.

 

okayla.

dh nk msuk lewat ptg ni.

nenas pun blom kupas lg.

until nxt time,

ciao~

within a prayer

Published January 28, 2012 by crystalights

i think therapy for me adalah doa

the things i ask for in my prayers are like therapy for me

because i know Allah is listening

and even if you don’t get what you ask for i feel that Allah will eventually give you the best that you could receive- beyond the things that you wish for in your prayers

Allah knows best.

Allah knows what is the best for you even if you might think that the best for you is what you want and what you’re asking for

it could be that what you wish for is not what you need

but if it’s a need then wouldn’t you be in need of it?

and Allah gives so generously.

 

so i believe that every heartfelt prayer is not meaningless and not left in vain

insyaAllah, there is an answer.

to just be.

Published January 23, 2012 by crystalights

when i was younger,

i liked watching jpanese anime.

i think, i still do now.

i like that there is a story behind every character that is drawn, and that the drawings beautifully depicts this.

 

there was this anime which i really made an effort to follow, frm the beginning untill the end

it was:

“honey and clover”.

 it was this really heartfelt story about a group of people who are very different but has this common ground that somehow puts them together: art and studies.

and in the midst of each of their own personal trials and tribulations, they somehow survived and came to know more about what love and life really is:

it’s not all sweet and pretty and predictable all the time

and a lot of times what the story is saying is something that really hits home.

 

when the cool-headed nomiya brought yamada who was grieving an unrequited love to view the ferris wheel from the balcony of his apartment 

he knew she was in this deep sadness

and he talked about how

some things look better when they’re seen from a far distance

because once you come near and got on it

it isn’t anything as enticing as that view from afar.

 

and then i think

she gets what he means

and she can only allow herself to wallow.

 

*

 

i think

some things require effort and sacrifices

and time and especially: the arrangement of fate and destiny

 

but if it’s not meant to be and you’re somewhere else other than the kind of situation that you thought you wanted to be in

 

then perhaps you’re just exactly where you’re supposed to be

(even when you find it so hard to believe)

 

because every path and consequences are written

 

and you,

you might think that you don’t want to be the onlooker of a beautiful view,

you want to be within that and be there to know what it’s like from the inside looking out instead of the outside looking in

because you want to know what it’s like to be encased in a breathtaking view

 

 

but really

could it be that the grass is greener on the other side

when you know it’s been the same earth and the same sunshine

the same kind of feeling you get when you watch the lights glitter in the dark

the same soreness of a yearning heart

 

eventually

wouldn’t we be in the same cycle again

that we would want something that we have yet to have

or that we could never have

that is unreachable no matter how tangible

 

perhaps happiness means

that you’re just happy regardless of how near or far you are from that breathtaking view

that you can close your eyes and see it there anyway, even when it isn’t there when you open them

and seeing them there doesn’t change the way you feel about where you are

because the fact that you’re somewhere distant enough to see and feel and think

is reason enough for you to just be. happy. or at least remotely content.

 

i think there is a reason why there is only one snow white even when there are 7 dwarfs;

maybe,

some people are meant to be rescued

while others are meant to be rescuing.

 

maybe

some people are meant to be looked up to

but it doesn’t mean that they’re not looking after.

 

maybe

some people are meant to be more than what they are to themselves

 

maybe

some people take a longer time for a happy ending

not because they are undeserving

but because our Creator is kind enough to give more time and distance for our selves to learn, to seek, and to be enriched with valuable lessons and experiences

 

everyone has their own struggles

so

perhaps there is no one particular thing that exactly defines our lives’ worth.

jalan masih panjang

Published December 12, 2011 by crystalights

 

after autumn passed

and winter left

spring was here

but now summer’s beginning.

 

sometimes

it is worth the burning heat if it means you can stare at the sun sinking against the horizon

 

sometimes it’s bearable

because while it lasts there’s a beauty that surpass

 

i’m looking forward to tomorrow,

may our hearts be brave

 

and may Allah help us to the rightful path,

and teach me what i should know,

Amiin.

 

insyaAllah,

The One Who Creates will not simply forsake;

this i believe is true.