All posts tagged family

work in progress.

Published February 15, 2012 by crystalights

esok mak nak bwat knduri.

ni bukan knduri sambut menantu ok, ni jst mkn2 ksyukuran sbb khatam. sbnrnye org yg khatamnyer tu dh lame dh, tpi sbb sibuk ngn mcm2 bnda, ngn hal aku grduation lg, ayah pulak dgn event kt tmpt kje dier lg, dgn mcm2 hal2 lain, baru mnggu ni la nk bwat mkn2 ni.

it’s a nice idea, kan? lgpn Ustaz Azhar ckp, sunat smbut kegembiraan dgn memberi (org) makan.

aku tk nk la mak masak beriye sgt, mak pun dh 50 smthng kn & these thngs can be quite energy-cnsuming. tpi ye la name pun knduri kan.

let’s jst let her do it the way that she wants to do it. lgpn dier mcm happy je nk jmput2 org ke tmpt yg nk dbwat mkn2 tu. siap ter “call” kwn dier pkai hp aku lg tuh, huhuhu.

aku tk pndai sgt msak lauk2 tradisional nih, so klau bwat kje2 preparation bfore+aftr skit2 tu boleh la kot. mcm siap2kan skit ape yg mak mintak.

tapi aku rase, maybe mak ingat aku nak ringkaskan sume bnda kot, haha. psl menu acar nenas dgn pajeri nenas pun tukar2 dlm dscussion ktorg, pas 2 psl cara nk bgkus mknan pun ktorg tak same idea, hahahah. dtg si ayah pulak terus tukar menu lauk daging tu, pas 2 selambe je trus gi kirim dgn kwn dier, sruh beli rempah smpai 2kilo. pas tu bile aku ckp tadi dier kater: “masak ni lagi sedap.” *sambil serahkn rempah 2kilo tu kt dapur dgn confident nye*. funny huh?

sbnrnye aku jst nk make thngs easier for her je, sbb klau sume sgt meticulous & precise aku tk nak la org tension2. kan best masak santai2 je. mak pun tak la stress sgt.


hmm. anyway.

maybe mlm ni lauk siap, insyaAllah.

insyaAllah pagi esok msk nasi nyer. dgn m’mbngkus.

mudah2an sume lancar, Amiin.


i was thinking about a lot of things tht i want/need to attend tpi aku tak tahu mcmane sbb jdual aku agak difficult skit kot. lgpn ader bnda yg klau aku tangguh dier mgkn akan m’lewatkn prkara lain lg, which might affect other pple and myself as well.


aku takut klau aku tak buat dgn sebaik2nya. walau org faham atau tak faham, smtimes kita sndiri yg knal diri kita. dan usaha2 ke arah tjuan pnciptaan kita tu pun barangkali satu nikmat yg tuhan beri yg mgkin kita kurang sedari. mgkin k’lemahan aku yg buat aku tak memenuhi semuanya.



mudah2an tuhan bagi ilham dan jln keluar t’baik utk kita semua, Amiin.



dh nk msuk lewat ptg ni.

nenas pun blom kupas lg.

until nxt time,




Published October 4, 2010 by crystalights


my dad is successfully freaking me out.

why do we have to talk about this?

i thought it was just a normal daily conversation

but suddenly i have to listen and then internally freak out.


i am afraid. to go.

i thought i wasn’t, but i am.

i don’t know how i’ll live.

how it will be.


home is where the heart is.

Published September 27, 2010 by crystalights


sometimes i don’t really like my mum’s friends.

i think they’re lucky to have a friend like my mum who doesn’t mind spending her time and effort on people like that.

my mum has this habit of pampering people.

she just takes care of them like it’s her business.

i’m uncomfortable whenever they’re around.

i can’t smile and be nice because i don’t want to get involved with her circle of people and also because i just don’t do that sort of thing to everyone.


and then there’s their kids.

maybe i don’t understand what kids these days want (or need).

but i just don’t feel it’s right.

it’s weird.

everytime my little brothers go out and play i feel like i need to know where they are, who they’re with, what they’re doing.

sometimes i don’t even want to let them go out and play.

i feel like putting a tracking system on their ankles with walkie talkies so that i can call them home anytime i want to.

so i don’t really feel alright with kids (whom i don’t know) hanging at my house to play (even if they’re my mum’s friends’ children).

and this is like almost every day of the week.

they are a plural bunch of kids

who just come from wherever, whenever, regardless of whether or not their mothers are around.

i can’t tell them to go home, can i?

i just have to keep on picking up after all the mess while trying to make sure that no properties are lost or damaged and that the house is still secure and in an acceptable condition.

i get worried everytime the house is open and exposed because there’s always people whom i don’t know popping up out of nowhere,

and i can’t really chase them away or pass some cynical, snide remarks because my mum wouldn’t allow it (i did that before and she put me to suffer through a guilt trip)

it’s incomprehensible.

i don’t feel comfortable letting my little brothers hang around in other people’s places for so long and be all rowdy and extra-imposing,

so i don’t understand why people are comfortable leaving little kids in my place, in my home for so long who are mostly a rowdy and extra-imposing bunch.


i wished that my older sister doesn’t bail all the time


it’s like i have 2 little brothers AND 2 little sisters instead of 2 little brothers with 1 little sister and 1 older sistr.

i don’t even really know what it feels like to just grow up with a sister that i can depend on or a sister i can just have fun with.

all this time the kind of life that i’ve known is the kind where i have to carry the weight of things on my own and keep things going on my own

my older sister’s always been that way,

my younger sister grew up away from home because of her place of study,

my little brothers are just too little to understand,

and my parents aren’t always around.

as a kid growing up, life as i know it are usually spent on my own.


even when you have friends it’s different when you have your family with you

it wasn’t really friendship that i needed all the time, at that time.


it’s emotionally and physically exhausting.


and now that i’ve grown up and no longer a kid i know that somehow all that is part of what made me this way.


family dining table meal

Published August 31, 2010 by crystalights


i think it’s amazing that my dad can remember how many chairs there are to that decade-old dining table set.



there are six of them.

they were bought when we were still little kids,

the chairs that match the table to match with the floor

not only to match the colour but also the patterns.


but the floor in our home now isn’t quite the same as the floor in our old home.

i remember rows of little windows, with pink flowery curtains in each room

and long orange-coloured ones for the living room.

there were two small mango trees

on our back yard view from the kitchen

with the brown wooden cabinets and shelves complementing the stove


that was more than 15 years ago

but he remembers how many chairs there were from that dining table set.

he was asking: where is the other chair? there is one more.


and my sister took it out of her room to add to the dining table.


we didn’t even remember how many there were.

and i was thinking

maybe this dining table set does match the current floor where we have our meals now

the patterns aren’t exact matches, but the colour is perfect.


as much as he remembers things i just hope

that he doesn’t remember how angry he was today

and the last couple of days.


it’s difficult to have normal meals when the air is thick with tension

i was holding the onion container and it almost slipped from my hands

it was just a small plastic container

but i was so scared that even the scattering of fried onions would make him blow up

with that kind of mood in him today, no one really dared to speak

even the eating was silent for a while

i think i let out a breath when he was finished with his meal and got up to leave the kitchen


it was really heart-hammering.



Published March 24, 2010 by crystalights




’cause there has always been heartache and pain

and when it’s over you’ll breathe again.

bile sume ni berakhir, aku cume ader 24 jam je sebelum bermulanya sebuah “pengakhiran”.

sumenye t’rase berat.

aku penat la.

ayah asyik2 ingat yg aku bleh handle sume benda.

aku ni buat2 je mcm boleh.

sbnarnye. aku rase aku ni penipu paling besar yg berterus terang tentang penipuannyer.

tapi org msih jugak tertipu.

nak buat camane.


dh la.

nk tido.

esok project day lagi.

tak tau la bile boleh siap.

yg ni pun ayah ingat aku boleh.

mcm mse upsr dulu aku dpt A utk sume subject kecuali sains. pas tu ayah gi jumpe guru besar aku (sbb guru besar aku yg ajar aku sains). and the rest (?) is history.

dier percaye je aku tak dpt A sbb guru besar aku.

aku rase aku ni yg tak ckup. sbb tu tak dpt A.

itulah ayah aku.


pesal aku rase

mcm hit counter ni rosak je.

baru letak b’brape mnggu lepas. takkan dh mcm tu kot. tak logik la.

mcm tipu je.

ape je yg aku tulis kt sini. ni bukannye blog celebrity pun. stakat nk lepaskan garam geram je lebih. 

dh la hidup serabot. blog pun serabot.


takde byk tempat lagi kot yg tinggal dlm hati aku ni.

dh dipenuhi dgn family aku yg 7 org ni.

(ceh. poyo). 



nak tido.