All posts tagged frustration

what happened was

Published August 15, 2011 by crystalights

1. it’s winter.

a season of heaters.

and then the electric bill kinda went ballistic. it’s $951.29 for july. we had to split it to 5 and pay. and i feel like it’s my fault because bfore i came, the house bill was never like this. the monthly payment was supposed to include the bills but now that this bill went up that high, we had to pay the bill on top of the current monthly payment. i feel like it’s my fault because i can’t really handle the cold.

2. so now i have to figure out how to cut back on the heater and endure it.

3. i’m on my own now.

in this empty house.

my (ex) housemate moved out this morning. the rest haven’t returned from their homeland yet (probably until aftr mid september), and another one of my (ex) housemate has finished her studies, graduated last saturday, and returned home early this week. i think i’m really on my own now.

4. i figured that one way to get things off my mind is to make myself busy with whatever i can get my head on. at least it’s probably better to be too busy to realize that you’re on your own.

6. i hurt my back while baking in the kitchen. and as usual i’m  not sure if it’s okay to use my OSHC insurance because of my current status.

7. i don’t really know how to really go through this semester without breaking (apart).



door closed.

Published November 16, 2010 by crystalights


so i shut my door

to avoid people like you.


but you

knocked and hollered and weaseled your way here anyway.


you just don’t have that sense

to understand

that i don’t want you around.


i don’t give a damn about whatever it is that you need.

i don’t give anything

to people who take in everything.

i don’t give at all

to people like you.


i’m not a nice girl

i don’t do that much of good without a single breath of contempt within me.



i didn’t like it one bit

and i made it quite obvious.

if you have enough sense then you should have understood

what my whole being was trying to say.


now i think i understand why key says he doesn’t like people who just have no sense at all

because it really is an effin’ nuisance to have such people around.



my mummy’s orchids

Published October 1, 2010 by crystalights


what the hell

she took my mummy’s orchid!

the one with the purple flowers



my dad was ranting throughout lunch because of that.


how can you take someone’s plants when they are still in full bloom?

the purple one. is gone.

that was a whole lot of flowers!

i knew that one of her friends would probably do this

but i still can hardly believe it’s happening.

i didn’t even know it did

i just got out and heard my dad ranting about something and then i went to check and see and i saw that the whole purple bunch was gone.


even if you want some of it to plant in your own home, you could have at least leave the flowering ones alone.

isn’t that common sense?

do you know how difficult it is to get one plant to flower?

of course you know, you have plants too. you garden your ass off, right?

in fact, you have been planting orchids (which refuses to flower) for a very long time, right?

well that thing right there bloomed in my mother’s hands

how could you just come here and nip it off for your own garden?


i’m not even an orchid fan

but my mother loves them

and you of all people know how much my parents love them

they went to that orchid event to personally pick the right ones

they even put up a few branches in the lawn to hold the smaller ones

and you just come and take them away?


by the way

i don’t think they’ll bloom in your hands

even that particular orchid that you keep for years didn’t bloom, they only start blooming under my mum’s care when you gave it to her (because you’re ready to throw it away).

for years the orchid didn’t sprout flowers in your home but when it did flower in our home suddenly you said that you gave my mum a good quality breed.

what are you?

what are you trying to do?

you gave some orchid that you didn’t want anymore to my mum and then you take away her own precious flowering one?


you know what

just stay away from my mum


we don’t need to be near parasites like this.



Published April 22, 2010 by crystalights



and i fell for it.

i thought you were trying to reappear after your episodic disappearance but


why do you think i totally pwned your special friend and still feel like the last unspecial being on earth?

well. some people really have that ability to increase your self worthlessness.


grow up dawg~

if you want to feel special you don’t have to have a special across-the-continent friend to tell you special things.

you just take your effin pc/notebook and plug in the net and voila~  you have all the latest special-est things at the tips of your fingers (this is why i like net-surfing on the road).


no one has to hold the part time job of keeping you informed so that you’ll feel special, because you can be your own perfectly special self without such special friend(s).

ha ha.

i am soo annoyed i’m becoming annoying too.

how could i actually believed that this time it’d be different?

i mean, coming from someone who’s been m.i.a-ing for quite a while, this has got to be the biggest, lamest, play of word exchange i’ve ever had from someone soo predictable.

i mean seriously.

i’m not in love with my country.

but i do give a damn about my country and it’s people.

and of course. all the other countries which i managed to actually give a damn about – yeah, that too.

even though there’s so much that i’m dissatisfied with in this homeland of mine, it’s still my homeland and i won’t put my home behind my girlish dreams of ever after.

i don’t think it’ll make me feel special if i can find a normal country bumpkin (like me) and spew my unlatest update that i got from my (imported) special friend about the things that my (imported) special friend supposedly knows first because said country is the origin of said update.

major LOL!

does that mean that if Man U scored a goal tonight i will only know about it tomorrow night because i don’t live in (Greater) Manchester?



and my point in question would be : where have you been (for the last century or so) ?

oh my god.

i am soo bitchy tonight.

maybe the dissapointment sucked all logical rationale from my hardwired brain or something.

maybe i was expecting some greatness from you.

ha ha.

what a joke.

i was actually expecting you to at least have some grace about it.

you know, at least just for the sake of keeping up appearances.

i thought you were going for that.

i mean, i kinda hoped for your genuine good intentions but wait a minute : who am i kidding?

is there even such a thing left on earth between people?

human beings can be so typically predictable, it’s inevitable.

ah well.

it’s okay.

i forgive you for falling within the normal distribution of the curve.

i just need to stop hoping for such (miraculously GOOD) things. especially not from people (like you).

so long then.