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papaya

Published December 30, 2011 by crystalights

 

ini betik. 

dari pokok.

yang mak tanam.

 

sblm aku fly, pkok tu tk berbuah2 pn, siap ader yg ckp pkok tu pkok betik jantan = tkde harapan berbuah.

tapi2,

balik2 aku tgok buah berderet2 kt atas pokok tu.

tk sgke dpt mkn betik yg mak tanam smbil duduk2 kt ruang tamu rumah ni watching my family watch tv.

watching my little brothers eat kuetiaw with fried chicken. (yg aku awal2 dh mkn dlu).

and me eating the tiramisu cake tht my oldr sistr bought. all frm the pasar mlm. (yup, pasar mlm kt kmpung cam ni pn ader tiramisu cake).

i feel bad sbb tk blikn dier aper2, hri 2 tk smpat singgah bli bag yg aku dh plan nk bli utk dier tuh.

well.

(nsib baik ader bwk balik bnda lain yg lbih).

 

hihihihi

alhamdulillah.

 

mcm ni pun satu nikmat yg besar utk aku

after being away for so long.

 

(sbnrnye aku ader rse cam nrvous psl somethng else but. biarkn je la. aku berserah pd Dia).

insyaAllah.

sky

Published December 7, 2011 by crystalights

watching the sun set from the highest floor of the highest skydeck in the Southern Hemisphere 

is nothing short of amazing.

it’s the 88th floor of the Eureka Skydeck (Tower)

 

eventually the sun sets.

and only then did the city lights become more visible.

the transition was beautifully slow

little by little

the redness splashed in rainbow streaks across the horizon.

little by little

i find myself bearing the things that i thought was almost unbearable;

little by little

i realized that it doesn’t matter what i feel

i got up there anyway

i saw the sun go down and disappear beneath the line

it does not wait

for anyone to be with it

it just sets

the way that it is meant to set (in).

 

staring at the sun from the highest floor

everything seems so much clearer.

looking at the airplanes gently cruising the sky

and the sun slowly sinking so smoothly

i know that the world moves (on) as time passes (by)

it does not stop unless predestined.

 

perhaps

you and i are not who we used to be

the sun and the earth is not how it used to be

the view from the top is not how it used to be

perhaps 

we are among those used to how it used to be

perhaps

you only notice the citylights when the sun disappeared.

but of course,

the citylights can never be the sun.

a thousand generic flicker can never outworth the value of one star.

 

they may be similar but always, always not the same

always trying to fill in the inadequacy

always, but not enough.

 

i think

no matter how beautiful the view is it will never be perfect without the sun in it.

 

the sun doesn’t have to wait for me,

let me wait for the sun.

 

i can’t be the way you want me to be just like i can’t sleep with my eyes open

we see things when they’re open

when they’re closed we take more breather

when they’re closed we sleep off the entire world

because beautiful things doesn’t stop your eyes from closing

 

when the time comes

 

open or closed, aren’t they still your eyes?

 

 

 

 

the last party.

Published February 1, 2011 by crystalights

it’s our last celebration together before everything ends

so for me, it has to be perfect.

i wanted invitation cards

and party favours

and a lot of colourful party acessories

(i would have loved the balloons and tinsels and crepe papers and confetti, but apparently that’s not gonna happen, for now).

my little sister kinda thinks i’m crazy for wanting such full-blown party things

but

i don’t know why, i want this one to be different.

i wanted the satisfaction of doing it right

because i’m scared

that when the party’s over and the magic wears off i’d probably be stuck with reality without a memorable happy moment

for once i wanted to feel rightfully happy.

.

so, okay. we’re not having balloons and glitters

but we could try and have evrything else done right.

so i spent the day cleaning and tidying up

and yesterday we worked on the invitation

 (after some discussions with my little sister) i came up with something that looks like this, but my design was lighter without the black background.

it is actually a Birthday and Farewell Party.

(my little sister’s birthday is coming soon and my leaving is happening soon too).

we figured it’d be okay to do it in one shot.

we were preparing the party favours (i specifically told my little sister how i wanted it to be, and for who).

and finally the goody bags are done. (if you look closely, you can see the pink panther stickers i put on the wrappers).

i liked doing these things.

it makes me feel like: there is a purpose, and i’m fulfilling it.

i want people to come, eat, and then bring back something thinking: that was nice.

.

we just have to cook, and get the cake tomorrow.

and then i think everything’s done.

.

and yes

yes

i’m scared.

as the days draw closer i’m getting more and more terrified

.

i have around 19 days left before the end begins

.

i don’t like flying

i take time to get accustomed to new surroundings

and i’m not really emotionally stable when i’m on my own.

.

so this is more of an early birthday party for my little sister than a farewell party for me

because i’m not exactly celebrating a farewell

i’m just letting people be informed of my departure, that’s all.

.

EDIT:

here comes the cake

happy birthday & farewell

 

Pencipta dan ciptaan-Nya.

Published January 28, 2011 by crystalights

mak ckp kasih syg Allah tu 3 kali ganda kasih syg seorg ibu.

di mana bila hamba-Nya buat silap dan salah pun Dia masih memberi dan melimpahkan kurnia-Nya.

masih beri rezeki.

masih beri peluang utk kembali ke jalan yg satu.

are we the kind of people who “take, take, take but you never give”?

sbg hamba-Nya,

tuhan ciptakan kita untuk beribadat kepada-Nya.

beribadat tu ader byk cara, tak kisahla samaada kita bekerja, atau belajar, atau lakukan apa2 pun sehari2 dgn niat tertentu yg ada dlm hati.

org yg buat sesuatu kerana Allah, akan buat sesuatu tu dgn bersungguh2 dan insyaAllah akan terpelihara oleh-Nya sepanjang waktu itu.

bila kita buat sesuatu kerana Allah, sesuatu itu ibarat ibadah kita, dan kerana kita bertanggungjawab atas ibadah kita maka kita pun tak boleh lakukannya tanpa kesungguhan.

.

tuhan takkan menguji kita dengan sesuatu yg diluar kemampuan kita.

kalau sesuatu tu berlaku pd kita, mungkin itu lah sesuatu yg diturunkan sbg dugaan utk kita.

dan ujian tu ader byk bentuk dan jenisnye. kdg2 kita diuji dgn kesusahan, kdg2 kita diuji dgn kesenangan.

Nabi Ibrahim dikurniakan anak yg dier sgt syg, setelah sekian lama menginginkan anak.

kemudian dier diuji oleh Allah dgn perintah menyembelih anaknya sendiri (utk dilihat sejauh mana sygnya pd Allah terjejas atau tidak dgn kelahiran anak kesayangannye, Nabi Ismail).

it wasn’t easy for him, because dier syg pd anaknya tp tetap syg pd Allah. dan Allah tetap yg paling atas dlm hatinya jadi dier pun bersedia utk menyembelih anak yg disayangi tu dan anak itu pun rela disembelih kerana juga menyayangi Allah.

dan akhirnye, kerana Allah yg paling maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang, Allah tukarkan Nabi Ismail dgn seekor kibas jadi selamatlah Nabi Ismail dari menjadi sembelihan bapanya.

itulah antara bukti kasih syg Allah.

bukti2 kasih syg-Nya ada byk disekeliling kita, dlm hari2 semalam dan juga hari2 esok yg akan mendtg.

.

jadi kasih syg yg abadi tu tetap dari Allah, dan takkan sama dgn kasih syg dari manusia.

.

so everytime a manusia hurts me, i get angry. but i just think that he is just a manusia and manusia are like that. it’s not an excuse but it’s what he is.

dan hanya tuhan yg paling sempurna dan paling maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang.

dan mungkin tempat kita sandarkan harapan adalah pada tuhan. bukan pada manusia.

sbb manusia shj tak mencukupi.

sbb tu kita perlukan tuhan.

.

getaway. get away.

Published January 18, 2011 by crystalights

 

okay so yesterday i kinda lost it.

i was just trying to do what i hate to do the most: explaining myself to people, and then

and then i broke down

and it was messy

and sorta histerical?

yeah.

tapi aku rase smlm mak doa

utk aku

and then hari ni

mslh tu slesai.

.

okay

now don’t ask me: malu tu aper

because seriously,

i don’t know if there is anything as malu as the past few days punye malu

malu wei!

.

nsib baik dh settle la jugak

Alhamdulillah

*bersyukur*

*bersyukur*

tapi aku memang rase aku insan yg lemah & hina yg tak boleh hadapi dugaan dgn cara yg sebaik mungkin

aku tak cukup isi & tak cukup kekuatan

kene gali dan bina lagi

mcmane la aku nk hidup jauh2 nanti

.

ari ni my 9-year-old brother tanye:

“kakak, berfikiran matang tu ape?”

he was trying to do his bahasa homework.

aku jst jawab ikut logik aku and bagi contoh “Mak dgn Kakak Bina”.

sbb

sbb aku tak tau pun aku berfikiran matang ke tak.

.

and then dier tanye lagi

“model kejayaan tu ape?”

and then aku jwb ikut logik aku lagi pas tu aku bagi contoh “Kakak Bina”.

and then dier ckp “semue Kakak Bina~” dgn nada pelik2 dier tu sambil sengih2 pelik kat aku.

aku mcm 0_o sbb

sbb

aku pun tak tau aku berjaye ke tak.

.

okaylah

aku pun tak tau for sure where is my place in this world

but isn’t life a journey for us to find it?

.

and last weekend was a great journey

it was exhilirating

and i actually went because i had to attend a briefing on sunday

but i went early just to spend some time out

and by the time everything’s done i realized i hated the briefing

but i loved the first two non-related-to-briefing days in which we just go places, spend money, and eat eat eat!

(i ate all the things i wanted to eat in the span of 2 days~)

my sister panggil tmpat ni tasik kejut. aku pun tkejut dgar dier sebut tasik kejut. ntah pesal ntah name dier cam tu. tapi tak la besar mane pun, jst ramai yg dtg berjogging or exercise (kecuali org cam aku kot).

this is inside putrajaya wetlands park,

the (outdoor water) recreation part.

but. it’s a bit secluded and kinda low key, not everyone knows that something like this is here.

(my sister’s one of those exception because, well, she’s always been an exception to anything hidden. or exposed).

we went canoeing. but talking is tricky because the seats are a bit too far apart. it’s like i’m talking to the wind which carries my voice to the person on the back.

the key here, is the blowing wind.

ala, stakat langgar2 tebing tanah tu takder hal la.

dayung je balik.

ader org fishing kat tepi2. you can fish here for the whole day.

our canoe : Dare Devil

the putrajaya mosque is shiny on the outside.

and shiny on the inside.

even the sun shines majestically through the walls

and out in the open

i feel like a tourist in my own country 0_o

alamanda at night

and yes.

the yellow gossiping twin-swing.

it seems like everyone sitting here has something to say about everyone (?)

tgh main badminton pun boleh rase cam nak terkekeh sbb dgr someone talking about how hot and wanted she is kat sni.

i guess it was nice, stakat nk get away for a bit tapi budget ciput, then boleh la mcm ni kan.

mcm aku ni yg konon akan get away and away next month pun teringin jgk nk get away sekitar tempat2 mcm ni before fate sweeps me away.

before i finally realize that i have no other way

yes, this was what i wanted to do, even just for a little while.

.

rse cam tak sabar nk tnggu org cuti chinese new year, huhu.

.

hmm.

slalunyer aku tak suke sgt explain tempat and things in here

tapi sbb ari ni mood baik sikit (sbb problem tu agak dh sttle), so pjg la pulak photo entry ku hari ni.

lgpn one day i can look back on this and think: i went there and did that and it was amazing.

yes.

thank you.

 

 

think about it (before your heart leaps)

Published October 27, 2010 by crystalights

 

kata-kata baik dan nasihat (?)

.

why?

.

byk je org dlm dunia ni yg penuh hemah menutur kata-kata baik dan nasihat,

why her?

.

byk je org dlm dunia ni yg mengajak pada kebaikan,

so why her?

.

why is she the one.

.

is it because of her reasons?

.

sbb simpati dier pada org lain, so dier menasihati.

hbis tu, 

klau org yg inginkan yg baik utk semua so dier menasihati,

itu tak sebaik org yg menasihati kerana simpati ke?

menginginkan hanya yg baik utk semua insan tu tak sebaik berasa simpati sesama insan ke?

whatever the reasons, the actions are the same

though

whatever the actions, the people are not the same.

.

right now i’m guessing

you could be in love with this person

not because of how she is inside

.

because

whatever good things that you see in her

we can see the same kind of good things in a lot of other people

(but they’re not her, right? they don’t make you feel like this).

i think that

if you only see her

then you’ll only see her good-ness.

.

because seriously,

i think that she is a person consistently showering people with her good side just as expected of someone who is constantly showered with the good things that life has to offer.

in other words: because you’re always dipped in all the goodness that life has to offer (to you), you shine clearly with all the goodness that found you.

it is hard to be hateful and bitter and spiteful when all you’ve ever had are good, great things at the palm of your hands.

i think that there are other good people in this world who deserved better.

i think that people who have been through immense hardships, harshness, trouble, trials, and tribulations and still choose to do good and be good are as beautiful inside as people who’s raised with the good things in life and then does good and be good.

because it takes a lot for such people to not succumb to their conditions and emotions

so they are beautiful on the inside because they are that good.

because they are nothing short of amazing

.

so what about them?

.

i know it’s easier to see the good in one person if that person is the only one that you see.

.

if it wasn’t for her perfect life and her perfect features and her perfect clichés would you have deemed her a perfectly good person?

.

would you have seen what you didn’t see?

.

(i thought so).

.

of pictures and photographs.

Published September 3, 2010 by crystalights

 

the end result of a picture doesn’t necessarily show the effort behind that picture.

aren’t they just physical things, afterall?

sometimes it isn’t logical to be so proper, poised, prim and prepped in all your shots

-it’s too unrealistic.

.

it’s okay to make an effort for those pictures but life is still life and being alive doesn’t mean continuous perfection.

it means that sometimes the imperfections are part and parcel of what makes life alive.

that’s what makes life real, raw and believable.

it makes life more meaningful. and reachable.

if pictures don’t work out it doesn’t mean that life won’t (work out).

.

they are just pictures afterall.

.

don’t you feel that when someone puts such emphasis on their pictures it shows how much of an exhibitionist the person is?

it’s like having an image to maintain.

so which one is real?

can people know this without having to ask?

.

i think someone once said that in pictures and photographs you don’t change the object to fit the picture, you manipulate the picture to fit the object.

you work around the object to produce a picture. a photograph.

.

i’m not an expert in photography but i do know that probably half of those pics are never my cup of tea.

.