All posts tagged happiness

going on.

Published July 20, 2011 by crystalights

so ysterday i went for an unplanned sleepover.

best tido rmh dorg sbb ader dorg.

we watched “tangled” (rapunzel). ngn a little bit of “cloudy with a chance of meatballs”.

dua2 best.

best tido rmh dorg sbb bleh jmaah and then prgi activity same2.

best spend time ngn dorg sbb dorg unintentionally indirectly makes me wanna grow up a little faster

makes me wanna be better

to be more than what i am through their youthful eyes.

ni hdiah birthday aku.

dorg and a few others same2 bgi hdiah for my 24th birthday.

aku cm ckp: “nk dkt 20 tahun kot aku tk dpt anak patung”.

pas tu dier giggle2.

tpi aku tahu dier nmpk je cam 2.

they are all like that,

nmpk je mcm very young and free

but in reality they think very deeply.

kdg2 wlwpn nmpk cam happy and tingly,

but there are times when suddenly they say things yg m’nmpakkan the true facets of their thoughts.

mcm psl studies. psl people. or psl life.

i’m not saying they’re flawless or faultless,

i’m jst saying that there are a lot of sides to one soul.

smtimes wht u see on the srface tk same mcm aper yg ader kt dlm.



tuhan pertemukan aku dgn org2 Islam dibumi asing ni.


and last but not least,

mum’s package arrived ysterday!

i was very tkjut bt i was in a hurry so i picked it up and went on my way dan bukak parcel tu dlm tram smbil dipandang2 oleh auntie yg dduk kt seat dpn aku.


my birthday prsnt(s)

okay see

skrg dh bleh taruk new pics dlm blog post

sbb dh bleh snap pictures ^_~


hndphn dr msia (wlwpn bukn brnd msia).

tgok logo pos msia pn dh rse cam sayu.

mcm jauh sgt nk smpai.


mk hntr surat skali, satu hlai je tpi ckp psl things that has been bought and will be bought.. (itu la gaye2 seorg mk mcm mk aku tu).


tu la 1st time aku dpt kad birthday dri bdk kcik yg tulis namer dier 3 kali tpi bgi ucapan lbih kurg 3-4 patah je.

lagu kad nk nyaring ek.

dh la tulisn kerinting kecik2 wrne hjau pulak tu.


i showed it to my friends and they think it’s sweet or something



hopefully evrythng goes smoothly can hardly blieve it’s the last week of the hlidays ader byk bnda yg msih dlm proses lg mudah2an semuanya lancar, insyaAllah

(aku dh bli ubat sndiri dh pas ni aku rse aku kne truskn hdup mcm tu, bile sakit pn jgn dpend on people so that i cn feel btter, jst ikhtiar sndiri dn srahkn pd tuhan)

anyway esok nk tulis srt t’akhir kot sblm b’akhirnya cuti ni

i also have anothr actvty to attend tmrow, insyaAllah



stage play and fate’s play

Published March 27, 2010 by crystalights


when i was in kindergarten, i was one of the fortunate baby ducklings in “the ugly duckling” stage play at my school’s concert day.

i had yellow feathers clipped on my head, wearing a yellow dress and fiery red lipstick.

i wasn’t scared.

i was excited.

even though i was a character with no lines.

i was happy.

we also had the aerobics group performance. i wanted to be in the fan dance performance, but somehow i ended up in the aerobics performance. the teacher put me in the front row.

when the performance day arrived, we went on stage and did our thing. (literally. our thing).

because apparently all of us kinda forgot our routines halfway through the song. so me (myself) being the frontman the girl at the front, began to move to my own reinvented steps (and the rest of the kids at the back followed).

it was a strange save.

and then suddenly

it was time for the photo-taking session (and i don’t know why i got soo nervous)

cameras were flashing everywhere and we were standing on stage according to class

i was so freaking nervous that i fidgeted, twitched and picked my nose!

it was unbelievably one of the most embarassing moments of my kindergarten life.

and the pictures all have me touching my nose!

it was horrible.

and i don’t even have a copy of those pics (because that person who took them doesn’t seem to want to share).

the thing is that when i was the baby duckling and the aerobics front-girl, i didn’t really realize that there is a hall full of people watching.

i didn’t quite realize that there is quite an audience.

it was only me in my own little 5 years old world, trying to move like a duckling. and an aerobic-loving kid.

i was only the little duckling swimming in a huge pond.

no pressure.

no self-consciousness.

but now that i’m almost 23 doing things that i have to do (whether or not i want to), sometimes i missed that innocent 5 years old little world of mine.

because when you get older, it isn’t that easy for you to speak the truth and not having to lie about everything.

sometimes i always end up wondering why i end up where i ended up in.

and maybe life is a puzzle

which may never be completed.

before the cake was cut : a wedding perspective.

Published December 9, 2009 by crystalights


remember when i talked about the wedding invitation i received by mail?

the dark blue one with matte gold writings on white paper.

i actually arrived at the wedding last week.

it was

quite an event.

but unfortunately, i didn’t stay for long.

i left before the cake-cutting ceremony, right after the 10th gown [aftr the bride’s wardrobe change].

it’s not that i didn’t wanna see it, it’s jst that i’m not sure if i can handle seeing it.

you see, it’s hard to describe it but i was afraid that i’m ruining the wedding or the wedding’s ruining me.

don’t get me wrong, the wedding was pretty amazing.

the setting was amazing

the food was amazing

the mood is amazing

and the wedding ring was AMAZING. [diamonds are a girl’s best friend].

this is a big day, for every one of us.

she’s my close friend.

i was there when she got engaged, i carried one of the trays with the engagemnt gift items.

back then we were only 19-20 yr olds.

and 2 yrs later now that i finally arrived at her home seeing her in her gown and veil and tiara and flowers in her hands, it felt unbelievably surreal.

this highschool friend of mine who sat next to me in the same class whn we were just young and fifteen. and she was the school prefect and i was the never-ending tardy student [who always ran out of stationeries and borrowed hers like ALWAYS]. we celebrated our birthdays in the school cmpound with the rest of the group and had our extra classes on weekends in that same school.

so when i arrived at her wedding reception, it felt like i’m stepping into a scene of my imagination. they were in the middle of their photo session and i was just there, tryng to grasp the reality of her wedding.

of this girl who is already someone’s wife.

she looks so happy and content and because of that, i’m happy for her too.

my friend has finally moved on and found her true calling.


wht does that make me?

note to self : don’t go to weddings alone [especially if it’s your close friend’s wedding].

i was lucky that my self-cntrol held back my urge to cry.

because this wedding makes me feel a little nostalgic, a little sentimental.

i should have brought someone with me.

well i guess i was overwhelmed at how evrythng around me seems to change in the blink of an eye while my life seems to still be at a standstill.

and then i realized that maybe it’s because my entire life i’ve been fighting to make sure that nothing’s changed. that i could make things stay permanent.

isn’t it strange how such a happy occasion could stir up strange feelings frm within me?

maybe there is somethng wrong with me.

i feel like i’m still swimming thru the waves but the shore seems to be farther and farther away.

and i still have yet to reach my destination.

to my friend :

congratulations on your wedding. may you always be blessed with love and happiness.

and sorry that i missed the cake-cutting ceremony.

if i wasn’t so pressed for time i would gladly spend the night.

but because there are so many things that are unsettled, i had to leave [well, THAT and a bunch of other emotionally unstable matters.. but that is another story to be told perhaps in another time].

so there.

your wedding was amazing

but because i was not

i had to go before my tears ruin your big day.

i’m sorry but thank you for letting me be a part of this grand occasion ♣


good food + great occasion = self indulgence!

Published November 28, 2009 by crystalights



i’m waiting for my litle sistr.. we’re watchng “attention please” tnight.

it’s been quite a while since we had any of those k-drama / j-drama nights.


so this is my weak attempt at fending off sleep while i wait for her to be ready.



semalam hari ni hari raya haji!

by the end of the night, i have choked twice [within 24 hours], changed outfits 3 to 4 times, and eaten quite an extensive list of menu.


i wasn’t exactly sure of what happened.

just remember chewing and trying to swallow but stopped swallowing in the middle of it to chew some more.

and then poof(!)

i was choking and wiping my teary eyes.


my fmily watches that “nur kasih” drama.

tnight last episode, kn.

[siap lari gi 7-elevn bfore 9p.m sbb tk nk t’lepas].

prsonally, i don’t really follow that drama, maybe bcause it seems a bit long.

i don’t really know a lot about that story.

habis je drama tu t’tibe kene b’siap nk gi beraye lg.

kite pn ape lg, dlm keadaan b’bju tido tu, capai je la ape2 yg dpt dlm almari tu.

sekali tgok2 b’siap pkai bju msjid mkcik yg labuh tu dgn tdung hitam mak.

tgok gaye dh mcm nur la plak [ceh, konon].

ala, maybe jst sbb tk pnah pkai cam 2 kot.


tpi mcm.. okay la.

boleh la layan klw kene pkai mcm tu lg.

sbb ader rse selesa.




menu best hari ni would probably be :

ketupat palas [yg ori] + serunding daging.


sygnye cume dpt mkn 1 je sbb tk byk yg t’hidang + orgnye ramai.


mule2 mak mcm mls nk borak so i did all the talking to that makcik.

[siap tanye pantang org bersalin lg tu. pdahal tkde sape pn yg nk bersalin atau baru bersalin kt rmh tu].


bukannye ape, cume t’pkir  dlm hti : dh dtg rmh org takkan nk bwat diam je.

tu yg berjela2 borak ngn mkcik tu.


tpi tk lame pn.

sbb rse pelik and then mak pn take over.


but sriously.

smtimes makciks and pakciks are easier to deal with than youthful adolescents and full-grown adults.


i rest my case.


[i need more lemang / ketupat palas / whatever. jst need somethng that’s glutinous and ricey].


[jst. more!]


[capable of]Love.Hope.Happiness.

Published October 5, 2009 by crystalights


i noticed a few of the pics here..


i think i should at least clarify that the pics on this page [to the right] are randomly generated frm flicker.



so if somethng odd-looking comes out i’m not responsible (!)




and owh.

i think, even though i really like jae-J, given the chance i would probably choose micky-YC.

he looks like someone who is capable of love. 

someone who would stay. in love.

i can hear it frm his hand-written songs.

i can see it frm that look on his face.

 *am not fangirling*

micky’s a charmer. [but i don’t think he knows..]



so micky, if you read this, i jst wanna say :

i love your 1st collabo release, it’s beautiful.

COLORS is jst; very heart-lifting.

keep it up. tohoshinki fighto(!) 



onto other aspects of life;

how do you cheer up someone who doesnt want to cheer up?

people who needs it but doesn’t want it.

i mean, looks like it. but i’m not quite sure.


i mean, we all have our share of bad days [we can’t be happy all the time] but when the time comes,

that too, will pass.


so how do i do this.

make someone happy. again.

to have hope. again.


am i getting myslf into someone else’ story. again(?)

should i jst let it be(?)



isn’t happiness a gift.

that you give to another(?)



happiness is a strange thing.

Published July 19, 2009 by crystalights


sometimes when you’re too happy, thngs tend to pass by unnoticed.


she’s happy bcause she’s in love.



it’s good that she’s happy.


i just hope that i don’t have to find a reason to be happy too.


because i think i am kinda happy now even though i’m not in love or anythng.

so erm..i hope that happiness won’t just be defined as coming from that four-lettered word. and that i can stay this way for as long as i wish it to be.


i know i’m not the kind of girl that people would look for in their lifepartner. i’m too hard-headed, self opinionated, and too rough around the edges. i don’t like comprimising and i don’t like a lot of thngs. but i have come to accept the fact that i’m not really the favored life-partner material and i’m happy like this.

so i hope that i won’t have to change this, because of her happiness [ if you get what i mean ].



some people say that you can’t love another soul if you don’t love yourslf enough [ first ]. but i think i might have loved myself too much to actually love another soul.


selfish (?) or just plain sceptical in the glory of love (?)


i don’t like the idea of changing your way of life in the name of love.


i feel that love shouldn’t be the reason for dreams and ambitions to become unfulfilled.


honestly i have nothng against people who are truly in love, but this is jst how i view it – for now that is, though my p.o.Vs may change one day; but whatever it is, we take in what we are given with and we work with what we have. and we get it done. if it’s a job well done, then there you have it – destiny, fulfilled.

if it’s not, then you wallow a bit..but then you pull yourself tgthr and finally you’re rising above.


i think the hardest part about falling in love, is actually staying in love, after the fall.


so there.

i’m going to bed.

some thngs happened ovr the weekend but i’m jst too tired to ramble for now.



owh and i did talk to the other group representative [ as well as my lecturer ] about the EIA rport.

we can’t use it for our auditing site.

that project was not performed after the report was submitted.

so basically, the project doesn’t exist on land, it only exists on paper [ because what we have there is the Preliminary EIA report, not a Detailed EIA report ]. so it only has records of pre-construction, not post- construction.


so erm.

i have to study my report too.

at least bfore mnday’s lesson.





so have a very good night ♣