i want REAL food
i want REAL fun
i want REAL faces
but i don’t want
“..rain another rainy day
comes up from the ocean
give herself away
she comes down easy
on rich and dead the same
when she gives herself away..”
okay so yesterday i kinda lost it.
i was just trying to do what i hate to do the most: explaining myself to people, and then
and then i broke down
and it was messy
and sorta histerical?
tapi aku rase smlm mak doa
and then hari ni
mslh tu slesai.
now don’t ask me: malu tu aper
i don’t know if there is anything as malu as the past few days punye malu
nsib baik dh settle la jugak
tapi aku memang rase aku insan yg lemah & hina yg tak boleh hadapi dugaan dgn cara yg sebaik mungkin
aku tak cukup isi & tak cukup kekuatan
kene gali dan bina lagi
mcmane la aku nk hidup jauh2 nanti
ari ni my 9-year-old brother tanye:
“kakak, berfikiran matang tu ape?”
he was trying to do his bahasa homework.
aku jst jawab ikut logik aku and bagi contoh “Mak dgn Kakak Bina”.
sbb aku tak tau pun aku berfikiran matang ke tak.
and then dier tanye lagi
“model kejayaan tu ape?”
and then aku jwb ikut logik aku lagi pas tu aku bagi contoh “Kakak Bina”.
and then dier ckp “semue Kakak Bina~” dgn nada pelik2 dier tu sambil sengih2 pelik kat aku.
aku mcm 0_o sbb
aku pun tak tau aku berjaye ke tak.
aku pun tak tau for sure where is my place in this world
but isn’t life a journey for us to find it?
and last weekend was a great journey
it was exhilirating
and i actually went because i had to attend a briefing on sunday
but i went early just to spend some time out
and by the time everything’s done i realized i hated the briefing
but i loved the first two non-related-to-briefing days in which we just go places, spend money, and eat eat eat!
(i ate all the things i wanted to eat in the span of 2 days~)
my sister panggil tmpat ni tasik kejut. aku pun tkejut dgar dier sebut tasik kejut. ntah pesal ntah name dier cam tu. tapi tak la besar mane pun, jst ramai yg dtg berjogging or exercise (kecuali org cam aku kot).
this is inside putrajaya wetlands park,
the (outdoor water) recreation part.
but. it’s a bit secluded and kinda low key, not everyone knows that something like this is here.
(my sister’s one of those exception because, well, she’s always been an exception to anything hidden. or exposed).
we went canoeing. but talking is tricky because the seats are a bit too far apart. it’s like i’m talking to the wind which carries my voice to the person on the back.
the key here, is the blowing wind.
ala, stakat langgar2 tebing tanah tu takder hal la.
dayung je balik.
ader org fishing kat tepi2. you can fish here for the whole day.
our canoe : Dare Devil
the putrajaya mosque is shiny on the outside.
and shiny on the inside.
even the sun shines majestically through the walls
and out in the open
i feel like a tourist in my own country 0_o
alamanda at night
the yellow gossiping twin-swing.
it seems like everyone sitting here has something to say about everyone (?)
tgh main badminton pun boleh rase cam nak terkekeh sbb dgr someone talking about how hot and wanted she is kat sni.
i guess it was nice, stakat nk get away for a bit tapi budget ciput, then boleh la mcm ni kan.
mcm aku ni yg konon akan get away and away next month pun teringin jgk nk get away sekitar tempat2 mcm ni before fate sweeps me away.
before i finally realize that i have no other way
yes, this was what i wanted to do, even just for a little while.
rse cam tak sabar nk tnggu org cuti chinese new year, huhu.
slalunyer aku tak suke sgt explain tempat and things in here
tapi sbb ari ni mood baik sikit (sbb problem tu agak dh sttle), so pjg la pulak photo entry ku hari ni.
lgpn one day i can look back on this and think: i went there and did that and it was amazing.
yesterday: at the beach ^__^
i didn’t really notice how blue they were before.
what are the odds of finding a rainbow peeking out above the sea?
isn’t that rare?
on the road to the ocean,
we found a patch of land like a meadow with a small pond
and the buffalos and cows were grazing and taking a dip too
it’s like a picnic. among the animals.
they really are an outgoing bunch of animals, LOL.
in this part of the country, the animals roam around without supervision.
it’s like their owners know and understand their animals enough to leave them out there freely and unattended.
travelling within these villages, it seems as if you can see those animals everywhere.
sometimes they walk on the road. and wait at the bus stop. LOL.
yes. they seem to eat anywhere they want. and poop anywhere they want.
my little sister had to wash the car tyres when we got back home.
wasn’t that nice?
we spent our time at the beach for like the entire afternoon, until our fingers were pretty wrinkly.
it was tiring.
but very calming. and nice.
when the waves leave the sands, the shores feel a little empty.
that’s when the little creatures come out and weasel their way around the little spaces.
so i run instead of walking
because i hate feeling something crawling at my feet.
run to the waters
dip in the sea.
today’s class was okay, though i didn’t expect myself to finish early.
i thought my lesson plan was enough to cover the entire class time.
but it didn’t.
so i added a few things after giving them literature exercises.
i initially taught them something from macbeth.
(but i don’t know why they seem to be a little out of it).
i was thinking: “girls, this is shakespeare. you don’t always come across shakespeare anytime later in your life, right? so why not lighten up a bit just for this, huh?”
since this is my 400th post, let’s talk about one of my favourite subjects: <<art in motion>> ^__~
i think that good films are not easy films.
coming up with an audio visual recording which is tastefully complete isn’t a walk in the park.
isn’t it amazing when 30 seconds is enough to hook you in?
i have to say this:
why can’t our local CFs be more like these?
i. love. 1. 3. & 4. so. effin’. much.
(stranded. and left with 1 car on our way home)
the thing is that
i don’t seek memories for me to keep.
i don’t really take them in for remembrance.
i just.. live.
with whatever i have.
but when i do keep them
they’ll be very private and dear to me.
is our family’s photo album.
it has most of our story,
from my mom’s youthful days
to my recent graduation.
i started it around 10 years ago, when i was 13 or so, after finding old photos of my mom and dad and our family and the places and things that we’ve been through as us.
i arranged them as chronologically precise as possible, and i tried to ensure that the important ones are there. there are even little notes and scribbles, telling stories of the events and places.
of all the things there is in this house,
this is one of those things which i would not want to share with people other than my family.
so i was surprised when it got to other people’s hands today.
i was surprised that it was brought out of my home.
it was supposed to just be kept in my sister’s room.
although i’m very expressive and loud at times,
i actually prefer to keep some things private.
even when i tend to speak a lot,
there are things i don’t like to share. with the whole world.
i believe in exclusive rights when it comes to these personal things.
because of the nature of such things it always gets personal.
people who don’t understand me probably won’t understand the workings of my family.
now i have to revise my add maths for a test which i can’t get away from this coming thursday.
i told dad i don’t think i can do it.
as in : i don’t want to do it.
but he’s my dad. what do i expect?
the last time i got away with something, it ended up as an archived case (which he takes out every now and then just to remind me of how errored i was).
(maybe it’s a teacher/educator thing).
i don’t know.
i’m not sure what i’ll do but i’m gonna have to do something. soon.
my graduation is done.
i’m just counting the days i have left before the next chapter starts.
if my reports were received and my efforts were granted permission then i hope that things will finally be alright for me.
but it’s only with god’s grace and will.
i have a few students on thursday afternoon or so.
it’ll be the first session.
don’t know how it’ll be so