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cerita ceritera

Published July 30, 2011 by crystalights

aku ngantok dan pnat sbnrnye.

 

tpi memandangkan esok siangnya yg terakhir sblm ramadhan dan malamnya yg pertama utk ramadhan jd biarla aku cerita beransur2 dlu sblm dilanda ksibukan yg mgkin mendatang nnti.

 

hari ni kitorg berusrah.

cerita psl ramadhan la.

aku mcm tk berape khusyu’ sgt (aku rse sbb aku cam distracted lately)

tpi skit2 yg aku ingat is pasal puase yg 3 category tu;

yg 1st is puase stakat tahan lapar dahage je,

yg 2nd is puase tahan lapar dahage and kawal pancaindera (puase khusus)

yg 3rd is puase tahan semua t’msuk pancaindera dan stiap wktu dia mengingati tuhannya smpai stiap wktunya terjaga dari kemungkaran (puase yg khusus kpd khusus).

 

aku pn tk tahu aku mmpu ke nk puase ke tahap yg smpai diredhai tuhan

tpi aku rse alhamdulillah tuhan bagi peluang utk mnjalani semua ni, insyaAllah.

 

aku baking sbnrnye siang tdi

smpai rmh kkak usrah pn lmbat sbb nk siapkn icing (tk sempat keras pn sbb nk cpt tdi)

and tried some other patterns. tpi gune icing yg same je.

name dier fairy cake.

alhamdulillah. (siap la jugak).

 

balik dari usrah singgah uni buat keje skit (konon cam nk dptkn mood student gigih la kot. tpi ntah btul ke tidak tu tk brape pasti la. aku jst rse nk train my brain skit. dh sbln lbih b’cuti takut “berkarat”).

 

anyway,

smlm rse best sgt.

after klas tafsir kt surau/msjid, i had this long chat with 1 of the sistr (yg under isma jgk).

and then we kinda talked.

abt life and things and pple.

pas 2 dier cm ckp psl wlwpun dier tk ksah sbb dier phm, tpi not many pple cn get used to my prsonality.

 

smenjak dua menjak ni baru aku prasan psl personality aku tu.

aku ingtkn aku normal la jgk, tkdela pelik sgt ke aper.

pas 2 bile org ckp aku ader strong personality, baru aku cam terfikir “strong ke?”

sbb aku ingtkan ni normal.

sbb aku tk rse mcm strong sgt pn;

maybe sbb aku fikir, strong personality tu yg lg “extra” drpd aku (bcause i’ve seen them so i didn’t really think tht i have 1).

 

tak prasan pulak personality mcm aku ni strong personality.

maybe smtimes my personality is annoying other people kot.

tak tau la.

 

anyway, skrg kt rmh ni tinggal sikit org.

hsemate aku balik msia smlm (tk sure bile exactly dier akn come back).

hsemate yg balik indonesia a few mnths ago pn tk balik2 lg.

hsemate yg lg sorang tu dh pindah kluar dh lbih kurang a few weeks ago ke tmpat lain, maybe nxt mnth kot dier balik singapore.

tinggal la aku ngn hsemate lg sorg ni. and dier pn nk pindah rmh lbih kurang 2 minggu lg.

i think,

i’m probably gonna be alone by mid-ramadhan.

 

tkpela.

biar tuhan yg tntukan.

Dia yg tahu apa yg lbih baik utk aku.

.

before2 nk berpisah tu

hari tu ktorg prgi mkn same2,

ye la smpena birthday 1 of them ngn “farewell” skali.

 

ktorg mkn mknan afghan.

aku rse sdap la mknan afghan ni, dier tk trlalu berempah sgt tpi dier ckup rse rempah.

it was nice.

tpi tkdela mkn slalu kot. (ini pn order makanan utama dua set tpi yg makan 3 org).

sbnrnye (sblm dtgnyer ramadhan) aku teringin nk mkn mknn yg aku suke

ni

fries (with vietnamese sauce)

kt “lord of the fries”, (city).

mcm biasela mostly klau fries kt sni memang takde chilli sauce pn dlm menu.

yg byknyer, sauce2 yg tk pedas.

vietnamese sauce ni dier ckp chilli + mayo (tpi tk rse pedas mne pn).

ni la antare mknn yg boleh la dikatakn agk sesuai utk budget, sbb kiter bleh bli ikot size: sampler (saiz cwn yg mcm dlm gmbar tu), cone (saiz bekas lagi lebar dan pjg bntuk cone), ngn box (saiz box rectangle yg besar, lgi bsar drpd kotak hotdog mcm kt msia tu). 

aku suke kentang.

subhanallah sbb ciptakan sjenis tuber yg rse sdap lgi mngenyangkn dan dpt supply energy, samaada dimasak dgn tanaman/ternakan yg lain atau dimasak sndiri, ini la benda best yg aku suke yg aku tau takde org yg boleh ciptakan, cume Dia je yg berkuasa mengadakan sang kentang ni.

alhamdulillah.

 

okayla

esok mlm ramadhan bermula, insyaAllah.

sblm aku melalut lg baik aku tido.

maafkan semua dosa2 aku samaada yg aku sedar ataupn tak,

semoga semua umat Islam dpt mnjalani ramadhan dgn tenang,

Amiin.

 

(and alhamdulillah. a few days ago dh dpt allowance for the upcoming month).

 

semoge tuhan kuatkan hati aku dan hati kita semua utk harungi ramadhan, syawal, dan bulan2 yg sterusnya dgn cekal dan ihsan,

Amiin.

the end. and a beginning.

Published June 14, 2011 by crystalights

 

hello world

hope you’re listening

 

bersedialah utk post yg panjang (coming up)

 

sbb

 

pada hari ini,

 

tamatlah sudah

 

exam ku

 

(yay!!!)

 

*throws imaginary confetti*

 

this signifies the end of the first half of my academic year.

 

akan ku hamburkan byk2 things

 

tapi for now

 

lemme just get some things done first

 

i’ll be back later

 

*sambil nyanyi sikit chorus “i’ll be baack~” ala2 k-pop celup*

 

P/S: ni baru preface (a.k.a mukadimah) je dulu

nanti kiter cerite pjg2 okay?

emotions

Published March 29, 2011 by crystalights

i think that emotions are scary things

sometimes they keep you from where and what you’re supposed to be.

bila hati rasa berat atau resah, gelisah, semua terasa mcm susah.

but i realized that if you force yourself into that particular where and what that you’re supposed to be,

somehow you just be.

it’s puzzling but

it’s like fighting the urge to sleep without taking any substance(s)

somehow after a while you’re just not that sleepy.

so i think, diving head first kinda works

just drowning into all that you have to do

and somehow you just realized that you’re halfway through.

.

maybe that is as close as some people can get to being hardcore

it’s not that you don’t feel

it’s just that you don’t care what you feel

try it.

it’s very contradicting but it’s how i think i should live.

what about you?

.

people around me are doing things that i never thought would result in such results

it’s the opposite of how i’ve always looked at life and its repercussions

aku tertanya2: oh. mcm bahagia je.

should i be worried that i’m not like that?

i’m going to be 24 this year.

should i be thinking about such things now?

because if you ask me now i would probably give you the same answer that i thought of 10 years ago when i was 14: “i’m not ready”, or was it: “maybe i’m not the right one for this?”

.

how am i supposed to believe in such things

look at my mum

i’ve always thought that she would have been happier

(but she sounds like she’s happy with whatever she has now)

but she’s my mom;

it doesn’t take a lot for her to be happy.

(i just wished that she is. am. will. be. happier. happiest).

.

even if i feel like i can believe in whatever feelings there may be between humans,

i just.. i don’t think i can.

it’s too much to take in.

too much space to give out. give away.

but i do believe that maybe it can work out quite well for some people,

maybe some people are just meant to be happy.

maybe they deserve it more.

maybe the rest of us are just meant to live like a travelling disciple,

always searching for things to be searched;

until there is no more.

.

hari-hari berlalu

Published March 29, 2011 by crystalights

pernah tak hati rase terpanggil utk buat sesuatu, tanpa rasa pasti apa sebab dan puncanya.

waktu tu aku susah hati and then bukak Quran terjumpalah sesuatu

“(yaitu) orang-orang yang beriman dan hati mereka menjadi tenteram dengan mengingat Allah. Ingatlah, hanya dengan mengingat Allah hati menjadi tenteram.”

Ayat 28, Surah Ar-Ra’d.

kdg2 kita terlupa Dia selalu ada.

tapi Dia tak pernah lupa.

maybe it’s a trap

Published March 18, 2011 by crystalights

maybe i don’t understand relationships

i’m sorry for sounding so indifferent

but there are so many things i wanna do

so many things i want to be able to do

so that i can do more for myself and the people in this world

what is it like to have nothing you want to do at all?

if i want to think about my feelings

then what would i ever get done?

i want to work towards a common need

i want everyone to be better, and to achieve that i want to start doing something other than for myself

whatever there is between people and relationships, can it help towards that goal of common needs?

can it help save the world?

can it help people live better lives?

if i only think about what i feel

how can i make this world a better place to live in?

for example,

why do i study?

why can’t i just take whatever i have and live with it?

why do people choose to go through tough things when there are other ways to go with things?

this isn’t the only way

but it’s the only way that i think is possible for someone as lowly capable as me

i don’t have enough inside me to do great things without studying

.

it’s not just a walk in the park

and i guess it’s just my own share of obstacles, just like what everyone else has.

maybe i’m not the only one in this world that something like this is happening to.

there are other people out there who have their own troubles, some of them even greater than mine.

i should be grateful and thankful that i am still able to live day by day like this.

yeah.

and i guess that’s why i don’t respond very well to matter of feelings.

i have nothing much i can say in regards to it.

.

i think the world would be a better place if:

Published February 28, 2011 by crystalights
  1. people don’t jump into conclusions so damn easily and quickly
  2. people deliver/perform what they have spoken of (no empty promises)
  3. people pay back the money they owe (even if they think that the person doesn’t care or doesn’t need that money right now)
  4. people stop forcing other people to live like them
  5. people view people objectively instead of going with the usual generalizations/sentiments/pre-conceived notions
  6. people stop thinking that everybody different from them is small, stupid and sick
  7. people stop taking the easy way out by taking things that don’t belong to them.
  8. people stop taking for granted of what you have and stop thinking that everything should go your way just because it has always been your way all the way.
  9. people stop feeling irritated by what other people have (because some people just worked hard to get what they have and then they have it. so deal with it. if you don’t like it, you can work hard too and maybe you can have a shot at having it later. if they didn’t work hard and they’re just lucky to get what they want anyway, only then you can start getting irritated and start venting).
  10. people stop being animals and start being people. 

i want to transfer my property.

but no matter how i think it can be done privately, there’s always something that leads me near to having to disclose it.

.

bile kita percaya bahawa tuhan itu ada, bukan ke kita percaya bahawa dia dengar setiap kata2 kita?

setiap apa yg kita ckp kan, disaksikan oleh dia.

so when you say: nanti aku buat (this or that, etc.)

itu kan ibarat lafaz janji/niat (walaupun tanpa perkataan janji dlm kata2 tu).

kenape tak boleh meletakkan sesuatu itu pd tempatnye?

kalau aku tak ada depan mata kau pun, apa yg kau ckp tu tetap disaksikan oleh tuhan.

jadi kenape tak tunaikan?

.

sbb tu aku

dh lame takde

rase percaye langsung pada kau

sorry

aku tak percaye

kau dan byk lg org lain.

.

bukan aku nk ckp aku baik.

tapi aku slalu sakit hati dgn org mcm kau.

org mcm aku perlukan org yg baik yg boleh memperbaikkan diri aku.

bukan org yg slalu buat aku merintih.

.

yela aku selfish.

aku tak ckp pun aku baik.

.

at least i understand that the more you say things so freely without considering your capabilities and will to fulfill them, the more your words become worthless and meaningless.

.

mcmane kita nk jadi lebih baik bila setiap kata2 kita takde makna?

.