these past few days made me realize that a lot of things on sale doesn’t really satisfy me.
i don’t go shopping all the time
but yesterday i was looking for the right pair of black leather heels,
and unfortunately even brand names doesn’t quite have the right kind
(that i would like).
i was trying to get that shoe-hunting mood to kick in even though i don’t really like wearing high heels
(because no matter how well-made they are they always seemed to hurt me in some way or another).
shoe shopping is always time consuming
when there’s so many that you don’t like.
at the end of it i just bought a pair that looks like something that i would probably wear if i am a 16 year old kid studying in a private school.
with some multiple colours of ankle length tights.
[i don’t understand why people don’t understand the term tights. tights generally are supposed to be from the waist to the toes. or any specified (shorter) length of your legs to the toes. if it doesn’t cover your foot and toes then it’s usually known as leggings. or unfooted tights (which may have a connecting stretch of material going underneath your foot). it’s not that hard. so i don’t understand why when i asked for ankle-length tights i get thin lycra leggings, tight pants or unfooted athletic tights].
just wiki it and you’ll (hopefully) get what i mean.
one more thing about leggings,
kalau perempuan bertudung dikatakan tak manis memakai leggings
maka tidaklah juga manis jika yg ber leggings itu perempuan yg tidak bertudung.
perempuan tetap perempuan.
leggings tetap leggings.
kalau tak manis utk seorang perempuan maka tak manis lah utk semua perempuan selagi mereka itu perempuan.
kalau rase salah dan tak suke, then jgn buat.
perlu ke tubuhkan kumpulan setiap kali ader sesuatu yg tak disukai ?
selesai ke masalah setiap kali ada sesuatu yg tak disukai, kumpulan2 anti-“something” or anti-“someone” pun muncul.
apa ertinya menjadi sebahagian dari kumpulan2 ini?
adakah dpt sampai message2 yg sepatutnya berniat murni or berunsurkan kebaikan?
ataupun kita sebenarnya meningkatkan permusuhan dan prasangka?
kalau niat kita baik kan elok kalau cara kita menyampaikan pun baik.
that is just something
that crossed my mind.
what i like is
rebuilding and refixing what is broken
i don’t mind spending a long time just sitting and sticking them back together
piece by piece.
(it was broken when we took it out of the box).
and now it’s an unbroken house again.
put up with things if i feel like they’re rare
these patterns look rare to me.
sulam nyer tak berterabur
motif nyer kemas
bunga nyer berkelopak timbul
warnenye tak keras.
walaupun ader la sikit kain nyer yg tercalar
(tapi dah tinggal satu)
so i put up with it because i feel like it’s a bit rare.
i also don’t like things that are not very well done.
(who would like that ?)
the cream patterns look like they’re falling apart from each other. like they are un-unified.
too many gaps between each overlapping strokes.
i pay attention to details.
of all the cakes there are, of course i notice which one’s uncared for.
which one’s rushed.
which one had probably came from a pair of unsteady newbie’s hands.
so if the person is meticulous, they usually come off as very capable to me.
i like that sort of commitment coming from people.
hari ni ingat just nak jalan shopping brg sendiri sikit2
tapi singgah supermarket jugak beli brg2 mak nak utk esok.
we were later on at the cashier wanting to pay
and realizing that the total of those groceries (plus a few items more) was over our budget.
that was a major mood-spoiler.
the problem with me is that
i have this horrible temper that even i don’t like.
i kinda knew that
if i ever meet someone out there who has this exact same thing
i wouldn’t like him/her very much.
i get angry because my estimation of the groceries doesn’t match the actual cost.
i get angry because the shoe that i like that i thought was affordable was actually almost 160 bucks
and i refuse to pay 160 bucks for a pair of (un-brand-named) shoes because (even if they’re brand-named) i’m not Carrie Bradshaw (who pays like 600 bucks for her pair of “Manolo Blahnik”s) although i kinda really liked that shoe. at first sight. and i initially thought of buying it.
it’s this temper-principle-pride thing going on in me
that pisses (even) me off.
like not wanting to give something to someone who did something i don’t like and at the same time not even wanting that thing for myself
that i would rather throw it away than give it to someone who wants it just because that someone is someone i don’t like.
it’s like me being so damn difficult and harsh and bitter.
about almost everything.
i don’t really like that me too.
(and now i sound like a schizo)
what i have been waiting and thinking about has finally arrived in my inbox today
and i realize that
there really isn’t anything much that i can do with it.
i don’t have the means to do what should be done.
i’m not born with a silver spoon in my mouth and a silver platter on my table.
i struggle with these things too as i grow up
in a five-siblings-with-only-one-working-parents family
you can get great food,
exceptional education, and
high quality medical services
if you have the cash.
as long as you can pay for it,
nothing should really be in the way of you getting your every wish and command.
being rich guarantees you at least that much.
for the rich (and the famous) life shouldn’t be much of a problem in this country.
for the rest of us “less-privileged” people,
we have to fight for a place in an institution
fight for a chance to study
fight for the use of a few facilities and utilities
fight for a chance to have someone support us and our cause
fight for an adequately paying job
and then suffer through taxes and price hikes and whatnot.
life is rough and brittle when you’re worn and penniless.
“money isn’t everything”,
“money can’t buy love”,
but money speaks enough. for people.
and what does love got to do with any of it?
love can’t save people from hunger and pain,
love is never enough
hell no, love can’t even save people from themselves.
so i don’t know what makes the world go round,
but one thing i am certain is that
it is not love.